by Ganthan » Sun Sep 01, 2013 9:59 am
Well, I finally got around to watching Equestria Girls on YouTube. I'm sorry, but, it's bad. For the first feature film of the Friendship is Magic setting and story line it definitely needed better writing and jokes than it has. I'm not saying it's the worst thing I've ever seen and there were even a few entertaining moments in it. It's bad enough to make me not want to actively seek it out and watch it again but not quite bad enough to make me leave the room if someone else happens to be watching it.
I'm going to give my review of the movie for whatever it's worth. Massive spoilers coming up for whoever hasn't seen it and still want to.
SPOILER WARNING
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The Plot (No, not THAT kind of 'plot' you cloppers)
Now I've already said that I didn't enjoy my time in school and thus have developed an annoyance towards any media that is school related from Kindergarten to College, especially if it's about girls fitting in and seeking popularity, which this is. This aspect didn't end up being quite as bad as I originally thought because the whole "school" aspect is barely noticeable. We never go inside any classrooms, see any kind of schoolwork or homework or even teachers, or even hear anything about grades or graduation. It seems like they really only went for the whole high school thing because of the need for Twilight to have to earn back her Element of Harmony, which has become a prom queen crown of sorts.
Because the movie is only one hour and thirteen minutes long the plot suffers from being rushed. The prologue and epilogue are decent enough mainly because of ponies, but the rest of the movie could definitely have been better paced. At one point Fluttershy is explaining to Twilight about the different stereotypical cliques in Canterlot High: geeks, emos, metal heads, tree huggers, etc. This made it sound like Twilight might have to find a way to warm up to each of these groups. Nope. The entire student body is basically a hive mind Borg collective where everyone becomes first bullies and then supporters all at once. I thought the methods by which the popularity shifted were pretty silly.
Sunset Shimmer has her minions Snips and Snails secretly record Twilight attempting to do research in the school library and then posts a humiliating montage on YouTube (not called such but definitely YouTube) of her making a total ass of herself in her new human body which she still hadn't gotten used to. Sunset basically said, "Look at what an inexperienced buffoon the other candidate is, so vote for me or I'll kill you," which sounds like the Republican Party to me. After , Twilight and the other humanized mane 6 form a plan to rally some positive support. What brilliant plan is that, you ask? An impromptu song and dance in the cafeteria, that's what. "We've all got to band together and be friends, so vote for me because I love you all." This now sounds like the Democratic Party.
Speaking of the cafeteria, I thought it would have been really funny if Twilight had tried eating meat for the first time. "Mmm, this is tasty. Where does this come from?" Of course they didn't, though. It's all fruits and veggies over here. Twilight even grabs a veggie burger. Yes, really. "Hey kids, go vegetarian! It's great!" Whatever.
Anyway, prom scene and Twilight flirting with a handsome boy aside, Sunset Shimmer finally gets her grubby hands on Twilight's Element of Magic and puts it on. It's at this point where I finally started getting entertained because she transforms into a big overpowered DEMON! A demon with the power to blow open the front of the school and turn the student body into mindless zombies, which is pretty redundant because they were all brainless herd to begin with. Shimmer tries to finish off our intrepid heroes with a big flaming Hadouken but it doesn't work. Why? Because of Harry Potter style magical loopholes. The Element belongs rightfully to Twilight, so therefore it won't work on her. Not only that, because Twilight has the Power of Friendship on her side, she and the mane 6 were still able to summon the big spinny rainbow of death and change Shimmer back.
Writing Quality (Or rather, the lack of it)
This movie might have been a lot more enjoyable if it had anywhere near the same jokes or silly fun that the regular show has. I think I almost liked it better when the writers WEREN'T trying to appease the bronies because then the entertainment came much more naturally. They must think we bronies are just a bunch of easily amused chimps trained to clap and cheer when we see our favorite characters or when our memes are acknowledged. The only thing I found funny and clever was near the beginning when Pinkie Pie (the pony, not the human) made the Transformers noise. That's it. EVERYTHING else was just a cameo for cameo's sake or a reference to a previous joke or meme, such as human Trixie coming up to a vending machine and saying "The Great and Powerful Tr-r-r-r-rixie... needs some peanut butter crackers", human Pinkie Pie wishing she had a party cannon, Angel showing up in Fluttershy's backpack, Scootaloo doing the chicken dance, Rainbow Dash saying "So Awesome" while doing the Wub face, and so on. Human Derpy even shows up in the credits rocking back and forth while staring at a muffin.
Now let's talk about the climax of the movie, specifically the point where Twilight and the other humanized mane 6 gain their Friendship Powers. You know what happens to them? They all suddenly sprout pony ears and tails, presumably due to the connection to Equestria. What really bugs me is this: Human Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy and Twilight (because she's an alicorn now) get pegasus wings. Okay, fair enough. Do Twilight and Rarity get their unicorn horns? No, they don't. WHY THE HELL NOT? The only reason I can think of is because, while wings are cute enough, a horn protruding from a human girl's forehead might make her look too scary and creepy. I'm sorry, but this just annoyed the hell out of me. You can't just go part way with this and then not go all the way. Ears and tails are fine, but if you're giving the pegasi their wings, GIVE THE UNICORNS THEIR HORNS.
Some folks were complaining about Twilight's flirtation with the human boy and then meeting the stallion equivalent back in Equestria. Believe it or not I actually didn't mind this at all. I'm all for some of the characters getting boyfriends because it adds more of the adult life aspects to the setting which is what I always enjoy seeing in the show. I'm the kind of guy who finds things like Sweetie Belle's voice cracks very adorable, yet I also have no qualms at all about seeing Rule 34 stuff like Flash games of Twilight and Spike practicing Pony Sutra.
So there you have it, Ganthan the Brony's opinion of Equestria Girls. I hope it doesn't, but should Season 4 continue on as if this movie had actually happened, I'll be prepared for it because I've now seen it. It's obvious that the only reason Hasbro forced Studio B to do this was so they could introduce more toys to sell.
I believe in no God, no invisible man in the sky.
-Andrew Ryan, Bioshock
...and don't forget the ponies.