My younger sister, Akane Tendo, is cursed to undergo a strange and frightening transformation whenever she experiences extreme emotions- anger, fear, even sexual arousal. She transforms from a normal Japanese schoolgirl into over seven feet of green muscle, voluptuous and wild... Sexy Amazon Hulk-chan.

Hulk-chan is everything my sister isn't- openly sexual to the point of perversion, self-confident, even vain. She openly proclaims her love for Ranma Saotome- something Akane would never do. However, they share the same hair-trigger temper... oh, and each of them want to be cured of the other...

* * * * * * *

Well, it's an ill wind that blows no one any good. Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, Ukyo, and yes, Hulk-chan all got royally screwed over by the events surrounding Bikini Chef, but Happousai's gone for the forseeable future, Kasumi's prize money covered all the stuff she bought to fix the kitchen here, and I've got a larger market for Ranma cheesecake photos than ever before. Life is good.

Since the contest, Akane's been taking lessons under Cologne. It's a good thing Shampoo is kept busy running the Cat Cafe by herself, because I don't know how her 'oath' would hold up if she saw Akane get frustrated during a lesson, get angry, and then get green. Cologne tells me that Hulk-chan is a quick study, easily in the range of Ranma, and enough of the training carries over that Akane doesn't have to start entirely from scratch the next day.

All of these transformations, by the way, have been normal. Akane hasn't found herself in Hulk-chan's body again, nor vice versa, and Akane's always wiped out by the transformation back. Oh, and Hulk-chan is only (!) 2.3 meters tall or so again. She hasn't destroyed any more of those adjustable clothes, although both she and Akane are beginning to hate them. Akane sweats under the extra cloth, and Hulk-chan actually likes wearing ripped clothes... or no clothes at all.

Well, we go home on Friday- only two days away!- and Akane returns to school a week from Monday, and a couple weeks after that I'm off to Stanford. Then Cologne can worry about her secret, and keeping Green & Obscene under control...

-- from the journal of Nabiki Tendo

The doors of one of the beach's newest hotels opened to admit a worn, ragged man into the lobby. Limping along with one sandal missing, simple kendoka robes tattered and torn, leaning over a bokuten which he used as a cane, Tatewaki Kuno, 19, the Blue Thunder of Nerima, made his way up to the front desk.

"Master Kuno!" The desk manager ran around the counter and moved to support the owner of the resort. "Where have you been? You've been gone over a week!"

"Never mind my tribulations," Tatewaki said quietly, "'tis nothing but the petty scrapes and minor wounds the jealous world inflicts upon my greatnetss." He straightened himself to his full height, managing to look somewhat impressive and visionary. "Has the grand opening taken place yet?"

"We have accepted guests," the manager said, "but we could hardly hold the opening ceremonies without you."

"Good," Kuno nodded. "Have you reserved the penthouses as I asked?"

"I am afraid your sister has claimed one of them for her own purposes," the desk manager said, bowing his head in shame. "The other one is prepared as per your specifications."

"I mislike the sudden appearance of my woefully deranged sister on the eve of such an important event," Kuno frowned. "But I shall persevere. Nothing shall prevent me from demonstrating my love to both Akane Tendo and the mysterious Pig-Tailed Goddess!"

The desk clerk was loyal, but he was also quite experienced in the Kuno family madness. Insanity did not merely run in the Kuno line, it did the 110-meter high hurdles in Olympic time. "Shall we see to your injuries, Master Kuno?" he asked, not blinking an eye at Tatewaki's boasts.

"Nay," Kuno said. "First prepare a series of luxury suites for the Tendo family... and those noble parents cursed with that boor of a sorcerer, Saotome, even they shall have a taste of luxury on this joyous occasion. Then send someone to discover the intentions of my sister..." After a moment's thought, he added, "And five minutes after that, send someone else to discover what my sister does to the first messenger."

"I will see to it immediately," the desk manager bowed.

"Let nothing mar this happy occasion," Kuno added. "Tomorrow must be perfect. No one must be permitted to mar the grand opening of Casa Kuno! THIS I COMMAND!" Kuno raised his bokuten towards the ceiling, and for a brief moment the desk manager thought he heard thunder and saw the flash of lightning behind his young master.

In fact it was only a loose light fixture, which was nudged loose of its precarious mounting by Kuno's wooden sword, and which a moment later fell foursquare upon his skull, knocking him to the floor.

"That didn't hurt," Kuno said, and passed out.

Sighing, the desk manager clapped his hands, summoning two bellhops to carry the young Master to his penthouse. Not for the first time, he was grateful that the Kunos were both fantastically rich (having bought and remodeled the hotel out of petty cash, or, pardon the term, 'mad money') and insured to the tenth digit. With ownership that far removed from reality, the safeguards of deep pockets and someone else to pay for the breakage were vital.

Now, if he could only comfort himself about the unusual architecture installed in the renovation...

Akane dreamed she was running across a bare gray plain, heavy footsteps thudding into the ground behind her. "No! No!! I don't want you!!" she shouted. "I don't want any part of you!!"

"Oh, come now," her pursuer shouted back, "you can't get away from me any more than I can get away from you." Hulk-chan thundered past Akane on the right, slowing to keep pace with her. "You're stuck with me, not that I see what's so bad about that."

Akane hurdled a small rocket-powered penguin and shouted back, "What's good about losing control??"

"Control is overrated," Hulk-chan grinned. "What's cool is strength." She flexed one arm for emphasis, then stilled her wildly bouncing breasts and held them, adding, "And being built like a brick teahouse doesn't hurt, let me tell you!"

"But that's not my body!" Akane protested, turning to the left and putting on an additional burst of speed, leaving Hulk-chan behind. The pounding footsteps died away, and Akane breathed a sigh of relief, letting momentum carry her forward.

"It could be your body," Hulk-chan's voice whispered... from directly behind her.

Akane ran even faster, the rippling gray landscape speeding past her, the strange denizens of her dreamscape popping in and out of holes in the ground to see her speed by. "I don't WANT it!"

Something soft and hot began to press against the back of her head and neck. "But you've tried this body before," Hulk-chan replied. "Didn't you like how it felt?"

"NO!!" Akane found herself unable to struggle as she felt Hulk-chan's breasts slide around her head, the heat of that green flesh burning her skin.

"Don't you remember how wonderful the transformation felt? How good it felt to feeling yourself get stronger and stronger?"

"No..." The breasts around her seemed to be getting larger, the massive titflesh enclosing her shoulders now, pressing heavier and hotter around her head.

"How sexy you felt when you saw those huge boobs, that peachy ass, those smooth, full muscles? Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it..."

Akane was no longer running; she was falling, sinking slowly backwards into the hot, yawning gulf of Hulk-chan's cleavage. She could feel it surrounding her entire body, beginning to close off the light. "No... no, I don't... I don't..."

"This could be yours any time you wanted..."

"No..." The light diminished to a point, and then vanished, and the last words Akane remembered in the dream were:

"Why don't you admit you want it?"

Akane had slept late, tossing and turning in her covers until she was wrapped in a cocoon of sheet and comforter. The early morning shenanigans of Ranma and Genma, the angry escort by Nodoka of Genma and Soun to the repair duties of the day, and Kasumi's breakfast had all passed her by as she tossed and turned in the dream.

Under the covers, things began to happen. The lump of cloth stilled its thrashing, stretched, and began to grow. Soft ripping sounds filtered through the layers of bedding, growing louder as the sheets parted to allow a large, muscular leg, already tinged with green and growing darker by the second, to escape. The mattress springs began to creak as the weight they supported grew heavier and heavier, causing the bed to sag atop its double-welded reinforced frame.

The blanket slid down to reveal a beautiful green face surrounded by a mane of wavy black hair with green highlights. The beauty was spoiled, somewhat, by the soft but discordant snoring and the drool falling into the pillow. Just below the upper hem of the blanket, two objects shifted around, to use C. W. McCall's metaphor, like two Cub Scouts having serious problems putting up their pup tent.

The morning sun shone through the window onto Hulk-chan's face, and she yawned loudly, pulling up one powerful arm from the tangle of sheets to shield herself from the light. Slowly she pushed herself into a sitting position, smacking her lips, reaching down to free her massive bosom from the shredded remnants of Akane's just-purchased new nightshirt.

Her first coherent thought upon awakening, naturally for the voluptuous gamma-powered teen, was, I'm horny. I wonder where Ranma is?

Ranma was just easing into the furo, moaning with satisfaction as the hot water restored his maleness. Granted, he was still as horny as a guy as he was as a girl, but at least his normal body didn't feel as... weird... as his cursed form did. No, now he only had a dick that was harder than translating hieroglyphs, and he could live with that.

If I could just get rid of my dreams that easy. he thought as he contemplated the not-so-little soldier rising up from the surface of the furo. Every night, now, he'd been having the kind of dream that, at least for some part, involved one of his would-be fiancees naked and willing... and yet, for some reason, things never quite reach... well... the big thing, pardon any pun.

Last night it had been a double-team of Hulk-chan and Akane teasing him, taunting him into bed, and then pulling him between each other in a tug-of-war. The night before, Shampoo had delivered okonomiyaki, raw Ukyo flavor with extra sauce, and although the licking had been nice, fighting off his father for the crust had been an unwanted distraction. The night before that... well, he hoped Nabiki and Kasumi never found out, becuase Kasumi would be mortally offended and Nabiki would charge him for the view.

And the night before THAT- the night after that bloody Bikini Chef contest- they'd all been in the dream, even Kodachi... and Kasumi had given him some peculiar looks the next morning when he'd offered to do his own laundry. He hadn't known he could produce that much liquid, not to mention how that liquid stuck to everything and smelled...

Ranma sighed and slipped a little deeper into the water. If only things were as simple as in that dream. Okay, well, maybe a 'Take a Number' machine and a sign saying 'Now Serving #37' wouldn't work in real life, he thought, but at least none of them were going to kill me for screwin' around with the others.

And that, of course, was half the problem; as much as he would not mind having some fun with certain of the girls, the fact that all the other girls would turn on the 'lucky winner'- oh, and on Ranma too- made that impossible. He wasn't willing to turn the current fiancee cold war hot by giving in to his hormones... no matter how sexy the girls looked.

Of course they were all sexy. Hulk-chan and Shampoo were sexy in the 'giant muscle woman with tits and ass' mode, and the sight of their wide open spaces of bare flesh always sent Ranma's glands into overdrive. Ukyo was sexy too, with her cute face and the way she could move when she wanted to. Even Akane was sexy, with those perky tits, that trim butt and the raw strength she hid in her plain-looking body.

Hell, even KODACHI had a certain... well, if Ranma ever went that route, he'd insist on a gag for Kodachi, earplugs for himself, and perhaps a paper bag over her head so he could pretend it was, oh, Akane for instance.

Of course, sex appeal aside, there were some excellent reasons for not screwing some of the girls. Akane's temper would make any proposition chancy, but that was a minor concern compared to the family audience and eavesdroppers they'd have to endure. Ukyo still reminded Ranma a bit too much of their dimly-recalled childhood friendship; it seemed like screwing a sister he'd never had, BBRRRRR. Shampoo had tried to kill him several times; always a mood-killer. And Kodachi was just... plain... fucking... nuts, and Ranma didn't want to know if she was nuts fucking, too.

But, but, but... they all had that way they moved, that sense that they knew how to fight, that turned Ranma on more than big firm boobs, rippling muscles, delicate skin, long legs, or any other more obvious trigger. They were all driving him nuts, not Kodachi level nuts but getting there fast. Maybe Hulk-chan nuts.

Yet, yet, and yet... Here he was, contemplating sex, and he could just barely, after much effort, work up the courage for a kiss. A kiss. He couldn't dare risk accepting sex... not when it would mean totally screwing up and making a total fool out of-

Whoooosh, whoooosthunk.

"THERE you are!"

Ranma tried to submerge himself entirely in the furo, but the old bath in the rental house wasn't big enough to hide him from Hulk-chan. "Good morning, Ranma-darling! How are you- WHOA!" she grinned, looking down at the part of Ranma most reluctant to submerge. "Looks like part of you is up and at 'em early!"

Ranma tried to cover himself with one hand while wiping a nosebleed away with the other. Since Hulk-chan was completely naked, and leaning over the furo in such a way that her tremendous boobs hung just above him while not quite obscuring a view of her pubic hair, neither move was particularly successful. "Um, er, hi, Hulk-ch-"

A green hand covered Ranma's mouth. "Now, darling, do us both a favor... and don't say anything stupid, okay?" When Ranma nodded understanding, Hulk-chan removed her hand and knelt beside the furo. "Just be quiet and let Hulk-chan take care of this nice, hot hardon..."

Ranma gasped as Hulk-chan's large, delicate hand touched, encircled, his shaft, and began to stroke. He knew about masturbation, and hand-jobs, in theory... but somehow he'd never felt quite right about turning his hand into a substitute woman. (Much less, when he was a girl, use his fingers as substitute dicks. Ick.) But to have someone else do it... and do it so lightly, so gently... If anything he could feel his dick growing harder under her touch, painfully hard.

His eyes grew even wider as Hulk-chan bent her head down to the surface of the water, where the head of his dingus bobbed out of the water. She's not... she wouldn't... WOW... The sensation of her lips brushing against his sensitive tip made his toes curl and his back arch, lifting his hips out of the water. His shoulderblades stung as the edge of the tub dug into them, but that was nothing compared to the feeling, the strange, wonderful feeling, of Hulk-chan licking his cock.

Around and around Hulk-chan's tongue went, and around and around went Ranma's eyes at each hot kiss, each brush of Hulk-chan's breath across his skin. Her hand continued to stroke the lower part of his rod, her grip slowly becoming firmer, jacking his skin back and forth with a slow, confident rhythm. The combination of hand and mouth sent Ranma's thoughts flying away, replaced by a simple, happy blank-mindedness...

... well, not quite. There was a little voice somewhere in the front of his head yelling, What the hell are you doing? Stop her! What if Akane comes in and catches you with her? Jeez, what have you just been THINKING about for the past ten minutes?

The back of Ranma's brain, which was now firmly in control, whacked the little voice over the head with a large club and went back to enjoying the feelings... which stepped up a gear as Hulk-chan took the top five centimeters of his shaft into her mouth and sucked lightly, continuing to run her tongue across the tip. Her stroking hand slid down to caress Ranma's balls, which were already tightening up under the continued stimulation.

A few more sucks, a little more toying of fingers with balls, and Ranma thought he was going to explode. Instead, Hulk-chan released him and smiled. "Sit on the edge, Ranma darling," she murmured. "I want to do something... special."

It took some serious squishing, and the burying of her face in her own cleavage, but Hulk-chan was just able to reach the tip of Ranma's cock between her breasts with her tongue. Of course, that was only for a quick lick on the downstroke; then, the breasts came up, rising until only the tip of Ranma's thirty centimeters remained in that hot cleavage, and then back down, up and down, again and again, with that little lick at the lowest point to add to the fun.

I'm titfucking Ranma, Hulk-chan thought blissfully. This hot thing rubbing so nicely between my boobs is my Ranma's beautiful dick. Ranma might be swaying on the edge of the furo, lost in pleasure, but Hulk-chan wasn't far behind him. She could feel her pussy twitching now and again, honey pouring down her hole as if Ranma's piston was moving in and out between her legs instead of between her tits.

Hulk-chan sped up her stroke, not noticing her breasts swelling slightly with her building lusts, throwing her head back as she concentrated on giving Ranma's rod as much water-slickened friction as possible. She squeezed her massive jugs tighter between her hands, the tips of her fingers toying with her spike-stiff nipples, flicking them now and again as the sheer mass of her knockers caused her grip to shift.

Any minute now, Hulk-chan thought, my Ranma is going to blow his wad all over my tits. I wonder if it'll feel as good as those hentai manga make it out to feel? It must feel really good if they show it so mu-

Whoooosh, whoooosthunk!

Hulk-chan jumped back from Ranma's shaft, the weight of her breasts releasing the hard rod only reluctantly, as Nabiki strode into the bath. "HEY!" she shouted, "do you MI-MMPH!"

Nabiki stared down her arm, her hand covering Hulk-chan's mouth. "Kuno-chan is here," she said tensely, "he's looking for Akane and the Pig-Tailed Girl, and he's not taking no for an answer." She looked at Ranma, sighed, and grabbed his cock, jacking him off with a fast, tight stroke.

"Hey!" Hulk-chan protested, her mouth free. "That's MY cock! Leggo!"

"Go-out-and-stall-him," Nabiki grumbled, then sighed and pulled up her tank-top, revealing her own shapely boobs for Ranma to look at. "We don't have time to wait for you to get done playing."

"I told you to let go of-"

"Do you want Kuno to catch us all in here?" Nabiki snapped. "What do you think he'd do to Ranma?"

Hulk-chan sighed, shaking her head. "We will TALK about this later, Tendo," she said, admitting the point. She leaned over beside Ranma, splashed herself vigorously with the still-hot furo water, and slipped into the changing room, grabbing towels as she went.

"Now then," Nabiki said, still holding her shirt up with one hand and stroking Ranma's dick with the other, "get it out of your system, Saotome, and let's go get rid of Kuno-chan."

Ranma, totally confused by the whole thing, found himself staring at Nabiki's boobs, thinking to himself that they actually looked nicer to him than Hulk-chan's huge whoppers, not quite as round but with a symmetry and proportion to the whole... and, of course, the fact that Nabiki was still wearing clothes except for that flash of her top, and her hand was stroking his stick of dynamite closer and closer to...

"UUUUUGGGHH!"

... detonation.

Nabiki watched with shock at the sheer volume of spooge that erupted from the twitching tip of Ranma's cock across the bathroom floor, some of it spattering against the footboards of the opposite wall. Damn, Saotome, she thought as the last drop spurted out a few seconds later, I'm glad I wasn't in front of that. A girl could drown in that. Yuck.

She wasted no time in filling a bath-bucket full of hot water and pouring it across Ranma's crotch, wiping it off roughly with a cloth, then dunking him with cold water to make him a her. "Feel better now? All clean now? Good! Now get some clothes on and go take care of Kuno!"

"Um, er, uh..."

"Quit drooling, Saotome, it's only an orgasm."

"But, um, er..."

"Oh, these? Gods, Ranma, since when did you ever mind tits?" Nabiki belatedly pulled her top back down over her breasts. "Now pull your mind together, will you?"

Nabiki watched Ranma-chan stagger to her feet and move towards the changing room, trying to ignore the stickiness between her own legs. In the back of her own head, a little voice was dancing happily around, gloating, I touched Ranma's dick! I touched Ranma's dick! Boy, what I wouldn't give to-

The voice in the front of her mind, dressed in several layers of yen bills, whacked the little voice over the head with a large club and returned to thinking of ways to turn a profit on the current situation... and giving the small voice a few more whacks when it suggested the world's oldest profession...

Tatewaki Kuno enjoyed the benefits of a tiny brain, one of which was a lack of distractions to pull him away from his relentless search for either Akane Tendo or the Pig-Tailed Goddess, whichever came first.

Fortunately, Kuno also suffered the defects of being an idiot, which is why he had searched the living room four times, the kitchen three times, the upstairs bedrooms two times each, and was just coming out of an in-depth search of the broom closet for the third time. (This search was in-depth because the rotten floor of the broom closet had caved in the first time he'd stepped in, dropping him to the sandy ground some seven feet below. Kuno, being who he was, fell through the same hole two more times, possibly in the belief that it wouldn't dare drop him to the ground more than once.)

Anyway, Kuno was by himself, unchaperoned, tracking sand into the hallway when Hulk-chan stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her hair and other towels tied together at the corners to form a sort of white terrycloth bikini. (There just hadn't been enough towels of enough size to do a wraparound.) "All right, Kuno," the berobed Hulk-chan snarled, "what do you have to say before I take that stick of yours and shove it down your-"

"By the gods!" Kuno gasped, staring at the tall, muscular (and extremely angry) jade goliath. "Akane Tendo, what has that vile sorcerer Saotome done to you??"

"I AM NOT AKANE TENDO!!" Hulk-chan roared, slamming Kuno into the floorboards hard enough to break several of them. "I AM SEXY AMAZON HULK-CHAN! I right wrongs and triumph over pinheads! And that means you!!"

Kuno also possessed another advantage of those gifted with a highly compact brain and thick skull, namely that pain took a long time to register. He jumped back from his prone position instantly, clasping Hulk-chan's fist in his hands as if to soothe her suffering.

"Oh, poor, poor Akane," he said, "that that vile creature could twist your natural beauty into this monstrous form and enslave you to his wishes. But fear not, Akane, I shall release you-"

WHAM! Moron, meet wall. "I'M NOT AKANE!!"

"But it is unmistakable! That luxurious hair! That forceful movement! Even the fire in your eyes, though changed in color, is unmistakably that of the beauteous Akane-"

CRUNCH! Moron, meet ceiling. "I SAID, I'M NOT AKANE!!"

"Yea, even now that cad Saotome fights through you, forcing you against your will to strike futilely against the might of the Blue-"

"Do these LOOK like Akane's??" Hulk-chan tore apart the several knotted towels concealing her massive bosom, freeing her boobs to stand, bare and proud, from her chest. "Does Akane have ANYTHING as GRAND as my magnificent TITS?!?"

"And now he forces you to bear outlandish attributes upon your body, but fear not!" Kuno said. "No matter how strangely alluring such sorcerous spheres might be to lesser men, I shall remain loyal to the perfect slope of my beloved Akane's breasts! No twisted temptation spawned by that foul wizard shall-"

"OH, SHUT UP!!!" Hulk-chan pulled Kuno from his indentation in the ceiling tile and hurled him down the hall. Kuno did not go through the door, but only because the door left its hinges and left the house along with him, cartwheeling to the sand under him as he soared off into the surf.

"Jerk," Hulk-chan snarled, already feeling a little dizzy. Although Kuno's ravings hardly had the effect of Ranma's frequent foot-in-mouth episodes, they had been enough to trigger doubt in Hulk-chan's heart... and where there was self-doubt, there was Akane...

Nodoka passed Hulk-chan on the stairs, walking down to the hallway and eyeing the Kuno-shaped holes in floor, wall and ceiling. Stoically she clapped her hands twice, and from nowhere Soun and Genma appeared carrying boards, hammer and nails. "To work," she said, and at once the two men were replacing broken boards with fresh lumber, hammering frantically under the glare of Nodoka.

Meanwhile, in all the noise of Hulk-chan's righteous anger working itself out on Kuno, Ranma-chan and Nabiki had emerged from the bathroom without attracting notice. Now both girls stood in the hallway watching the adults work. Ranma-chan appeared to be out of it, eyes wide, face red, but Nabiki's eyes caught every nuance of the scene. "I take it Kuno is no longer a problem?" she asked.

Nabiki took it incorrectly. Kuno returned to the rental house, dripping seawater, with a small octopus clinging to his head in a state of bewildered shock. This time, though, he stopped and bowed deeply to Nodoka rather than jumping at his 'Pig Tailed Girl' or searching for the ensorceled Akane 'Hulk-chan' Tendo. "Mrs. Saotome, pray forgive my appearance," he said as he bowed, "but my errand here was delayed by some minor setbacks."

"How polite!" Nodoka smiled. "What errand do you have, Mr. Kuno?"

From inside the fold of his robes, Tatewaki withdrew a damp, but still legible, stack of papers. "I have come to invite Akane Tendo, the Pig-Tailed Girl, and their families to the grand opening of Casa Kuno. Rooms and room service all free of charge. All needs will be met by the Kuno family."

The frantic hammering stopped as Soun caught the concept Free room and Genma caught the concept Free food. Hopefully they awaited the verdict from the person with the katan- um, with the authority in the household.

"It is quite kind of you to offer this gift," Nodoka nodded. "Naturally we cannot help but accept."

Joy!

"However, I regret that neither Akane's father nor my husband will be able to enjoy your hospitality," she continued. "We return home in two days, and there is still much to be done with this guest house."

Anguish!

"Including repairs to this hallway, which are not complete..."

Fear!! *hammer*hammer*hammer*

"Oh my!" Kasumi gasped. "Father, doesn't it hurt to drive your own thumb through a board like that?"

"But with Kasumi along to chaperon," Nodoka nodded, "I see no reason why the younger people cannot spend the remainder of our stay under your roof. I thank you for this most gracious gift."

"It is but a trifling gesture of the Kuno family's friendship and admiration for your families," Kuno bowed. "Now, if you would excuse me, I must away." Kuno bowed again, turned on his heels, and measured his length on the hallway floor. The octopus on his head pulled itself up on its tentacles and peered down at Kuno, wondering idly if he was going back to the water anytime soon.

Ranma-chan, for her part, barely registered any of this. Her thoughts were focused entirely on sex. I can't believe I just sat there and let them do that, she thought. It was like I was paralyzed, or something. I mean, it felt good... but it didn't feel THAT good... did it?

Her mind turned back to a few moments before, when first Hulk-chan, with tender loving care, and then Nabiki, with cold, brutal efficiency, had brought her- him, at the time- sensations he'd never had before. The very thought of that experience made her nipples harden, the nubs thankfully concealed by the looseness of her hastily-donned clothes. She wanted to do that again... that, and more, now that she'd had a taste of what sex might be like.

Damn, that sex stuff could be addictive, Ranma-chan thought. I'm beginnin' to see why the old fart is so keen about girls' underwear. Probably rememberin' old conquests that never happened, or somethin'. I don't know how folks can stand ta go without.

And when Hulk-chan was doing... that... and Nabiki was doing... that... I couldn't move. I was frozen... I don't think I wanted to move. Hey... Ranma-chan's face shifted from an embarrassed blush to pale horror. What if Ryouga or somebody caught me while I was... like that? Would I be able to fight? Ranma shuddered. This sex thing... it's a weakness. A BIG weakness.

And what if someone offered sex, huh? Ranma-chan thought. I wasn't able to say no to Hulk-chan. A girl could beat me by takin' off her clothes an' then boppin' me while I was froze. I didn't have any trouble sayin' no before this, but... knowin' what I know... could I say no again?

The more Ranma-chan thought about it, the more she was ignored by the other residents of the house. Kuno was eased out the door, the octopus restored to the sea. The adults finished repairing the hall, then helped pack clothes for Ranma and the Tendo girls. Through it all they walked around Ranma-chan, who continued to stand, gazing into nowhere, working his way to the inevitable conclusion.

I have to find some kind of training, Ranma-chan thought, something to cure me of this sexual paralysis. But how? She ran through the various methods of compensating for a weakness. I could increase my skill to make up for... no, that would mean having more sex, a LOT more sex. I could reduce my sensitivity by... rrgh... having more sex. I could... or... or... "AAARRGH!!" she growled, breaking out of her trance and holding her head in her hands. "I can't get around it! I'VE GOTTA HAVE MORE SEX!"

"Ahem."

Ranma-chan gulped. Did I think that in my out-loud voice? She turned, slowly, to face Akane, those brown eyes glaring back at her.

*SLAP*

"Nice and subtle, Saotome. Very nice and very, very subtle."

"Oh my! I hope Ranma-chan uses protection!"

Ow... guess so... better let her cool off before I... Ranma-chan thought again and shook her head. No, trying to explain this to Akane would only make things worse. Besides, she's the one person I could never ask to help me with this...

"Ranma!" Nodoka walked over to Ranma-chan and handed her a suitcase, full to bursting with everything Ranma had brought to the beach with him... plus other things Nodoka had added, for whatever reason. "Do try to behave yourself like a man while you're gone. We'll meet you at the train station on Friday, all right?"

"Er... yeah, sure," Ranma-chan nodded, the wheels of her mind spinning wildly. "Where am I going again?"

Nodoka sighed. In some respects her son was a genius, but every once in a while he demonstrated that some of his genes did, indeed, come from Genma Saotome...

Meanwhile, far across the Pacific Ocean, a reptilian head rose above the jungle canopy and turned westward. There, somewhere over there, he could hear the cries... the cries of something evil. Something native to this very island, something he tried to root out and destroy whenever he found it, something that always seemed to come back like rotten whale meat.

You'd really think the humans would have better sense. How could creatures that built such vast civilizations for him to smash down be so idiotic as to remove one of them from... No, wait, never mind, these are the same creatures who invented aerosol hair-spray, the cellular phone, and pogs. History has shown, again and again, the folly of man.

Well, no help for it; best to crush it now, while it is small, before it can cause any real damage. It's probably in Japan somewhere; funny how these things always happen in Japan (except when they happen in New York). Why don't some humans in, oh, Acapulco meddle with nature?

Oh well. Got to go.

The head submerged under the turbulent waters of the Pacific, leaving Monster Island behind...

It was a short walk to the immense hotel. Kuno, recovered miraculously as usual from his recent beating, was at the front door to greet them.

"Ah, beauteous Akane Tendo!" he said, dashing straight to the hungover-looking Akane. "I see that my valiant battle has driven out the foul demon which that foul Saotome inflicted upon-"

*WHAM.*

"That hurt," Kuno said. "Nevertheless, I welcome you warmly to the newest and grandest beach resort in all of Japan- Casa Kuno!"

From out of nowhere a mariachi band appeared and broke into song, with much strumming and to the accompianment of trumpets.

"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno
Libre chili con queso por esta semana
Entrada, comer, sabomos you wanna
En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"

Having contributed their part to the welcome, they vanished as quickly as they had appeared, leaving Kuno to hand out room keys. "Each of you has their own room. Akane and the Pig Tailed Girl, of course, are welcome to share my penthouse-"

*WHAM.*

"That also hurt. But for their convenience in changing clothes, each has their own room... whither the Pig Tailed Girl?"

"She'll be along," Nabiki said. "I'll take her key."

"Very well... er, is there something wrong with Akane's eyes? Forsooth, you do seem most preoccupied with their shining beauty."

"Nothing, nothing. Now, about my room?"

"Ah yes," Kuno nodded. "Also rooms for the mercenary Nabiki Tendo and the serene Kasumi Tendo. Here you are." With a scowl he looked at the last member of the group, who had found hot water before leaving the Tendo rental house. "And yes, Saotome, even one as foul as yourself is entitled to a free room. Here." The final key slapped onto Ranma's hand.

"I shall see you in the morning, for the opening ceremonies," Kuno said. "Please disport yourselves as you see fit. Your keys entitle you to free food and services and to admission to Casa Kuno's masseuse, gym, pool, tennis court, video arcade, Internet cafe, library, theatre, and burlesque show, not of course that I expect any of you- except possibly Saotome- to stoop so low as to watch naked dancers and listen to foul-mouthed jackanapes. Until the morrow!"

As Kuno bowed himself away, the mariachis appeared again and began to strum:

"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno
Los Bailas Desnudas bailan muy bueno
Y los comedios no son malos, well boss if you say so
En Casa Kuno!! ARRIBA!"

"Er... yeah," Nabiki said as the mariachis vanished yet again, "let's go see our rooms, shall we?"

It figures, Ranma thought, the girls all get four-room luxury suites, and what do I get? First floor, businessman's special, next to the elevator, across from the ice machine, just down the hall from the night club and that band is tuning up already.

Well, whatever. I have more important things to think about. I need to find someone to... shudder... help me train in sexual martial arts. How to resist, how to control, how to win. But first, how to keep my brain from checking out when my balls kick into gear.

Now who should I ask...?

"You want me to what, Saotome?"

"Well, um, y'see, what Hulk-chan was doin', well, I was thinkin', well, that's kinda a weakness, right? I mean I couldn't move, I was helpless. So, um, er, how much, er, for ya ta..."

*SLAP*

"Get this straight, Saotome," Nabiki said at her iciest. "I will do a lot of things for money. For the right price I might even take off my clothes for money. But I am not now, nor will I ever be, a prostitute. Now get the hell out of my room."

"Um, okay..." Ranma turned to leave, rubbing the red mark on his face. "Er... would you know anyone who-"

"OUT!!"

"You want me to do WHAT, Ran-chan?"

"Well, I need ta train, y'see, in case another girl, well, tries to use it in a fight, see? Now, it wouldn't mean love or anythin', y'know, it's just trainin', understand?"

"You come in here and propose to deprive me of my virginity, spoil me for all future marriage prospects, and you have the gall to say it's just training??"

"Er, that's not what, Ukyo, wait, Uu-chan, put that down-"

"RANMA YOU JERK!!" *WHONGO.*

"You want HOW MUCH MONEY to do it?"

"Listen, kid, I could get busted even talkin' to yas, with my record. Besides, the Yakuza gets a cut, my pimp gets a cut, an' my gynecologist gets a BIG cut, so it all adds up."

"N-never mind. I'll just watch a video."

Defeated, Ranma returned to his cruddy (but free) room, where he would discover that the television was stuck on the Mongolian Polka Music Television channel, the mattress had all the softness of a city street, and the light bulbs kept flickering on and off...

Meanwhile, in Akane's luxury suite, Nabiki was watching her little sister's eyes for the least hint of green. After this morning's little exercise, I don't want to explain to Hulk-chan about this.

Akane, for her part, appeared to be calm. "It's just like that idiot," she said. "He doesn't see it as love, or even as pleasure, just as more martial arts training." She actually giggled. "Martial Arts Sex... only in Ranma's brain, huh?"

"I'm... er... glad you're taking this so calmly," Nabiki said.

"Well, it's not like Ranma's going to find anyone to help him with something as stupid as THAT, is it?" Akane said. "He'll get it beaten out of him one way or another, don't worry."

"Of course," Nabiki said, but even as she turned the conversation to safer territory, her mind began to whirl around Akane's words. I can think of at least two people- well, one and a half, Nabiki glanced at Akane's eyes again, who would quite literally jump at the chance. And with Ranma's luck, it's just possible that he'd find a Martial Arts Fucking mistress who'd blow his mind and other things besides.

And when Ranma gets his 'sparring partner,' it's inevitable that the other girls will find out about it. There will be destruction, there will be disaster, there will be collateral damage... and I might be caught in the crossfire.

Perhaps I should take a personal interest in Ranma's project after all...

"... and then, after he told me that, he had the complete GALL to tell me it wasn't about love, right?"

"Aiyah," Shampoo nodded. "Spatula Girl right slap Ranma. Is insult to womanhood."

"S'right," Ukyo growled. "Made me so angry I had to shut the yattai. Couldn't cook. Gimme 'nother." Shampoo served up something which Ukyo, technically, wasn't allowed to have for another four years, but Ukyo slammed it down like a drunken arts master. "Stupid Ranma. Girl's got her pride, y'know."

"Is rare see such honor," Shampoo nodded, "most girls jump at chance to bed Ranma."

"Well, not me, sister," Ukyo growled, taking a big clump of ramen in her chopsticks and putting them into her mouth. A few seconds later, she spewed the noodles out again, as a message, delayed by her embarrassment but now sped by alcohol, reached her frontal lobes:

To: The Ego
From: The Id

You just passed up a free chance to bed Ranma

YOU DOPE!!!

Sincerely yours, Your Glands

P. S. What are you waiting for?? Go after him!

For one brief, shining moment, the shock of that realization brought Ukyo back to sobriety. Ran-chan WANTS me! And I told him to get LOST! Unfortunately, the liquor refused to burn off that quickly, and it surged back into full effect at the most critical stage: planning strategy. I haveta go after him an' say yes- 'fore he finds some floozy instead!

"Is something wrong ramen?" Shampoo said. "Spatula Girl make too too much mess."

"No! No! Jush fine, thanksh!" Ukyo said, and gobbled down the rest of the bowl at blur-speed. "Gotta get back to th' cart! Yeah, thash it! Dinner rush soon, gotta get ready!"

Shampoo, for her part, was glad to see Ukyo's money in the till and her swimsuit-clad rear receding down the beach. If Ranma need train in sex, should come from trained Amazon warrior, Shampoo thought. Especially should come from a mighty Juggy-naut like me. Grinning to herself, she reached down and squeezed the meaty mountains of her mammaries through the thin red armor she wore almost constantly now. If Ranma can resist these, then no woman can stand against him... She grinned more broadly as she added, And what woman in her right mind would -want- to stand?

Humming to herself, Shampoo cleared away the small folding counter of the Nekohanten food cart. "Grandmother, Shampoo need rest of day off. Going find Ranma, make much nookie together."

"Very well, child," Cologne said, sighing. "I suppose I might as well let Mousse out of his cage, then."

"QUACK! Quack quack quack quack, qua qua QUACK-"

*WHACK!*

"... aflac..." *smack*

"On the other hand, perhaps I can manage by myself this evening. Do enjoy yourself, granddaughter."

"Thanks, Grandmother! Bai bai!" Shampoo skipped away down the beach, her footsteps rattling the cart on its wheels and anchorages. Now if Hulk-chan only shows up at same time, we give Ranma training he never forget! Hee-hee!

Kodachi Kuno looked herself over in her dresser mirror, noting with satisfaction the low cut of her leotard, the high cut of her leotard, the perfect ponytail, the delicate blush and eyeshadow added in just the right place to give her the perfect porcelain-doll complexion. Soon, soon everything would be ready for her darling Ranma-sama, that Adonis who attracted lesser women like money attracted politicians.

How petty of my brother to house him in the one room we were unable to sell for the grand opening, she thought. He is much more deserving of the executive suites than those Tendo sluts. Indeed, if we had an Imperial Suite, that would not be good enough for him. Unfortunately, the Imperial Suite was formed by opening a couple of doors between the two vast penthouses, and Kodachi had taken precautions against any possible meddling from her brother, who could not be shifted from the other penthouse.

When comes the dining hour, I shall send the room service team to Ranma's room, and then... and then! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!

Even though the Laugh was entirely contained within Kodachi's mind, something in the penthouse heard it and screamed in fear... an alien scream, the cry of something without a mind as man might know it, but with intelligence, malevolence and madness... and the realization that it was held captive by a being more intelligent, more evil and definitely more mad than itself.

"Shhh, shh my pet," Kodachi said, turning away from her dresser to face the thick, climbing vines that lined one entire wall of the largest chamber in the penthouse. "Soon enough you shall have your fill of those who would stand between me and my darling Ranma-sama. Beginning, of course, with that beast woman Hulk-chan." She stroked one vine carefully, yanking back her arm as it snapped forward in an attempt to grasp her. "Not yet! Back! Back, I say!" she shouted, producing a whip and lashing the groping vine until it retreated back among its fellows. Again came the keening cry, a cry of pain and anger.

"Oh, but you are so beautiful," Kodachi smiled, "so very beautiful indeed... and when you bloom," she gloated, gazing at the man-sized bulb hanging from the wall in the center of the vines, "when you bloom, how lovely will you be! How sweet the scent, how tender the stem! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! OHHHH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

Laughter, and screams, echoed through the penthouse, and next door Tatewaki Kuno groaned as the incredibly expensive, aged, carefully cultured champagne he'd obtained for Akane and the Pig Tailed Girl converted itself to puddles of fizzy water around jagged shards of glass.

Curse you, my mad, mad sibling Kuno thought. Wouldst thou ruin my glorious nuptual plans to satisfy thy unearthly lusts?

Ranma thanked the Casa Kuno maintenance man as he left, saving his grumbles for until after the door closed. Took th' guy long enough. How much does it take ta plug in a new TV anyway? An' th' time he took ta change a light bulb, you'd think he was union labor.

Still, the new TV and light fixture worked fine. Even better, to Ranma's surprise, his room key functioned just the same as the girls' in putting the Casa Kuno staff at his beck and call, which meant that he'd been able to get the pay-per-view adult movies turned on and locked that way. His half-hearted attempt to find a 'sparring partner' failed, Ranma had decided on a new strategy; watch porn, learn, and become desensitized to the sight.

O'course, I've seen my girl side naked all th' time, so that might not do it... but it's better than no plan at all, Ranma thought, turning on the television.

About twenty seconds later he turned it back off.

Then, having been unable to believe what he'd just seen and heard, he turned it back on. This time it stayed on for another thirty seconds, then off again.

Tentacles? Ranma thought. What do tentacles have to do with anything? I don't know anybody who has tentacles, dammit! He untied the drawstring of his pants and looked down his shorts. Is that supposed to be a tentacle? Maybe it's stunted.

Ranma spent a few minutes sorting out what he'd just seen and comparing it to what little he knew about sex. Finally, he sighed in relief. Probably just something sick somebody thought up because they're sick. Yeah. Nothing real about that. I'll just try the other movie channel.

This time the television stayed on for about forty seconds. I've heard that sound before, Ranma thought. Mom moans like that sometimes, late at night, and once or twice I've heard it from Kasumi's room... He snapped the TV back on and studied the goings-on for another thirty seconds. By herself... by themselves... My MOTHER does... KASUMI does... Ranma shook his head, trying to get the evil images out of his head.

Aw MAN, this is gonna be harder than I THOUGHT...

Ranma was about to risk another quick peek at the adult movies when he heard a knock at the door. For a split second he was afraid that he might have an embarrassing erection to hide, on account of his intense training. Once glance informed him that no, nothing was happening down there, and he should probably open the door.

As soon as he opened the door, something did begin happening down there. The sight of a young woman wearing nothing but a transparent silk nightie would do that.

"Good evening, Saotome," Nabiki smiled, brushing past Ranma and letting her hand brush across the rapidly growing lump in his pants. "I have something I want you to do for me."

Ranma stared, jaw agape, as Nabiki slipped over to the broken-down mattress, slipped off the only thing between her and stark nudity, and lay back on the bed. "As you know, in a few weeks I'll be off to America, the land of open sex and loose living." She pushed herself up on her elbows, raising her firm, hemispherical breasts up, bending and spreading her legs casually to give Ranma a clear view of her patch. "And I want to get in practice for the way they live over there..."

Ranma gulped as his manhood pressed painfully against his pants, straining to find a way out. "B-b-but you said-"

"I said I wasn't a prostitute, Saotome... Ranma..." Nabiki said softly. "I never said I wouldn't use sex for my own ends. It's all about who is in... control." She sat up, sliding one hand down her belly to half-cover her crotch, her eyes daring Ranma to take a closer look. "Think of it as a mutually advantageous proposition."

Ranma was thinking of it as a dangerous proposition. The very thing he'd feared had just come to pass; a girl was offering him sex, and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to say no. The blood rushing to his crotch seemed to be coming entirely from his brain... either that, or the Old Man was right about people thinking with their balls.

Ranma's balls had a definite opinion about what Ranma should do, and Ranma's brains were trying to get control of the rest of the body back from them. Say no! Say no!! SAY NO!!! he thought. No, don't step CLOSER! Get your hands off the shirt clasps- oh, hell, don't do THAT, stop, dammit-

Someone knocked at the door. SAVED! thought Ranma's brain, and he moved forward with a different purpose in mind than before. "Quick, hide!" he whispered, grabbing Nabiki, picking her up from the bed, and tossing her into the bathroom. The bathroom door closed; the hotel room door opened, and Ranma, shirtless, found himself face-to-face with Ukyo, wearing only a swimsuit.

"Hey, Ran-chan," Ukyo said, and Ranma flinched; her breath was heavy with alcohol fumes. "I jus' come by ta say, um, I've been thinkin' bout what you said, an' well, if you wanna, um and if I, um, with me, an'... oh screw it!!" Ukyo shoved Ranma back into the room, slamming the room door behind her with one hand as she pulled down her swimsuit with the other. "Let's fuck!!"

Ranma continued to stumble backwards as Ukyo stripped in the entryway, landing hard on the edge of his bed. Ukyo stumbled a bit negotiating her way out of the swimsuit, giving Ranma the time to note idly that, although Ukyo's boobs were smaller than Nabiki's and not as round or full, they were still cute-looking, the way they poked up in little cones like that... and, of course, Ukyo's body wasn't as soft as Nabiki's, and that was a good thing from his point of view...

WAIT A MINUTE!! he thought. What am I STARING at her for? This is the same exact problem as before!

Ukyo swayed towards Ranma, stumbled, collapsed on her hands and knees on the stained cheap carpet. Without bothering to stand up again, she grabbed the waist of Ranma's pants and pulled, dragging them out from under his butt and down below his knees. This accomplished, she got back up to her knees and gazed in wonder at the thing she had unveiled.

"Oh, yeah, baby," Ukyo drawled, "that's a thing of beauty! And I can't wait..." Her hands reached forward towards the object trembling up from Ranma's lap. "To get my hands..." Her fingers slid across Ranma's most tender flesh. "On..."

Someone knocked... on the wall, shaking the room slightly. "Ranma? You in there? Is Shampoo!"

"Shampoo!" hissed Ranma, now frozen in terror. If she'd knocked on the door, she'd have knocked it down. "Quick, Ukyo! Hide!"

Ukyo stood up, muttering, "But Ranma, I don't want to..." Ranma didn't wait for an argument; after a brief struggle with the pants and shorts around his ankles, he gathered Ukyo up and tossed her into the bathroom, not recalling the fact that Nabiki was already in there. Before either Ukyo or Nabiki could protest, he shut the door and opened the front door, forgetting that, between Nabiki and Ukyo, he was now entirely nude.

"Ranma, I is here to- AI-YAH!!!" Shampoo shouted, looking down at the hardon that would not die (and in fact hadn't even been ill). "Ranma ready for Shampoo already! We start concubining right away, yes!"

In moments Shampoo had the door of the hotel room shut behind her and her skimpy battle armor on the floor. "Shampoo love you long long time, Ranma..." She leaned down to kiss Ranma, her immense breasts pressing heavily against his chest, her hands running across his rippling muscles, her own rising and falling with every stroke. "Shampoo want you inside me so... um..." Her hands stopped stroking as something she'd seen registered in her brain.

Shampoo's eyes noted, beside the bed, a fallen see-through nightie; her eyes glanced back to her armor, which lay over a dark blue one-piece swimsuit. "Ranma," she asked quietly, "why other womens clothes on your floor?" She waited for her answer, then sighed as she noticed Ranma's frozen expression. Obviously no answers were going to come from him.

(Let's see. Other girls' clothes... well, that's Ukyo's swimsuit, for starters. That nightie is way too small for Hulk-chan, but otherwise this is shaping up just like that night in Ranma's room back at the Tendo's... which means...) Shampoo strode over to the one other door in the room besides the front door and threw it open- ripping it off the hinges- revealing Nabiki and Ukyo, standing side by side, just as naked as Shampoo.

"Oh, not again," Shampoo said. "Next it be Hulk-chan come to seduce Ranma, yes?"

Someone knocked on the door.

"You're good," Nabiki said.

"Hello! Room service!" the person outside the door shouted. "Room service for Ranma Saotome!"

"But not that good," Ukyo smirked.

"Watch it, Spatula Girl," Shampoo grumbled, "Shampoo smart enough to find you."

The door opened of its own accord, and a large cart wheeled its way in. Shampoo had just enough time to notice that the attendant, closing the door, was wearing a gas mask... and then a large cloud of purple smoke flooded the room, bed and bathroom alike. Nabiki, Ukyo and Ranma collapsed almost instantly.

"You! What is... you do... to Ranma?" Shampoo strode forward towards the attendant, shrugging off what felt to her like a mild case of sleepiness. Her massive, powerful Juggy-naut body fought off the high-strength narcotic gas, and in no time she had the bellhop against the wall, pinned helplessly under her massive hands.

Then the smoke of the gas reached the sensors in the ceiling, triggering the sprinklers... and Shampoo, the Juggy-naut, became Shampoo the kitten, who then became Shampoo in Dreamland.

As the fog of purple smoke continued to flow, the attendant searched the floor for his intended target. He'd seen the guy, naked, over by the bed... yes! His hands found a pair of legs, and without further ado the body was tossed in the bottom of the food cart. The gas was turned off, the door opened, and attendant and victim were gone, leaving behind three unconscious women, naked, sprawled on Ranma's hotel room floor.

Ranma rose foggily to consciousness, feeling hung over and rather badly in need of the bathroom. His first fully conscious realization was that it was her realization; apparently, at some point while asleep, cold water had found her. While I was knocked out. Not asleep. That purple gas... She tugged her arms, noting with alarm- but not surprise- that she was bound, hand and foot.

"Awake at last, you foul red-headed harridan! What have you done with my beloved Ranma-sama??"

Ranma-chan recognized the voice; again, no surprise. Kodachi 'The Black Brazil Nut' Kuno. Greeeeeat. She opened her eyes slowly, carefully, and had to suppress a wave of abject terror when she saw the bindings on her arms and legs weren't rope but long... green... thick... tentacl-

Vines, vines, vines, think of 'em as vines, definitely not... tentacles. Ranma-chan closed her eyes again, then opened them again when Kodachi's whip lashed across her body...

... her absolutely, no exceptions, one hundred percent naked body. Well, naked except for hair in certain places, but those particular patches of hair were more embarrassing than being shaved bare. Under normal circumstances Ranma-chan wouldn't have minded much, but with her mind focused on sex... and (bbbrrrr) tentacles, and with Kodachi looking at her and her, Ranma-chan, herself, unable to move or get away...

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!"

... well, Ranma's reaction can be sympathized with, at least.

"Silence, wench!" Kodachi shouted. "I have no time to indulge your rightful terror at the sight of my beauty!" Indeed, Kodachi was looking nicer than usual, in a leotard that turned her modest bosom into a firm, inviting set of cleavage while showing off every inch of her lithe legs. "I ordered my lackeys in this hotel to bring the handsome Ranma Saotome to my rooms! Instead they delivered to me, of all people, YOU, my most wicked and unworthy rival! Where is my Ranma-sama! I WILL HAVE HIM!!"

What am I supposed to say? Ranma-chan thought desperately. She won't buy that I am Ranma, but I can't think of any good lies either... "I, uh, tell ya what," she said at last, "lemme go an' I'll go right out an' find him. Okay?"

"Are you MAD??" Kodachi shouted back. "Why should I release you to work your wicked wiles upon my unsuspecting Ranma-sama?"

I didn't think that'd work...

"No, despicable red-headed whore," Kodachi sniffed, "it is obvious that you hold my darling Ranma hostage somewhere."

"No! I DON'T!!" Ranma-chan shouted back.

"You and my other rivals in conspiracy," Kodachi nodded. "Yes, in conspiracy to drive a wedge into the bond of true love which links me to my Adonis, my Hercules, my beloved Ranma-sama!!" Her whip smacked into the vines clinging to Ranma-chan's arms, causing them to tighten and pull up, stretching the small, busty redhead taut.

"And if your allies value your life," Kodachi growled, "they shall produce my darling Ranma-sama before noon... or I shall allow my pet to enjoy you as its first victim." Kodachi stepped aside, and Ranma-chan was able to follow the vines across the vast area of the penthouse to the opposite wall... where, inside a massive bulb, something was moving. "My beauty will be very hungry when it blooms, you know... perhaps you'll make a nice appetizer before it devours the rest of your friends- Kunoji, Shampoo, Tendo, and that monster Hulk-chan!! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! OOOOOH, HOHOHOHOHOHO!!"

The laughter caused the vines to slacken, but just slightly, and as Ranma-chan tugged they tightened again. Can't break free... and Kodachi's lost what brain cells she ever had... what do I do now?

What the hell do I do now?

That morning a group of officers gathered around a conference table in the headquarters of the Japan Self Defense Forces, Monster Division. Coffee steamed from cups; sticky-buns lay uneaten. The officers looked one to another across the table, some leaning over the table, some lying back, but all reluctant to break the silence and begin the briefing.

This reluctance could be directly attributed to the newest lamebrained idea handed down from High Command; all personnel in Monster Division were to use special secret code names rather than their given ones. What purpose this was meant to serve eluded the brave men of Monster Division, since everybody in the Division knew everybody else, or close enough, and to be perfectly honest monsters didn't care if you had a cool secret identity.

The previous day, High Command had issued the code names. As a result, morale in Monster Division had descended to lows not seen since Mecha-Godzilla's nose fell off during a launch. Whoever had made up the code names, it seems, really, really hated Monster Division. Either that or someone in the High Command had an awful sense of humor.

But urgent business wouldn't allow for delay. The major general in charge of Monster Division reluctantly said, "I call this briefing to order. What do we know, Major Dipshit?"

"Well, General Clusterfuck," Major Dipshit replied, turning on the computer projector, "as you see here on the projector, we have detected a kaiju-class threat in the Pacific, moving at high speed underwater towards the Japanese mainland. At current speed it will make landfall early this afternoon."

General Clusterfuck nodded. "Major Fuckup, any report from Monster Island?"

Major Fuckup nodded. "Major Inconvenience informed us last night that Godzilla had left the island, last seen moving in the direction of Japan."

"He's moved fast," General Clusterfuck sighed. "Colonel Corn, what information do you have on the point of landfall?"

"Beach resorts, General. Ohara area." Colonel Corn took over the projector, focusing the computer on the area in question. "We take especial note of this area due to sightings of several lesser monsters in the past two weeks on this beach. Happousai was seen there numerous times-"

All the officers made quick motions of warding against the evil which was Happousai.

"- and this new female Hulk, er, Hulk-chan, first sighted in Nagasaki and described by herself as having business in Nerima. Other Nerimans on our Watch List have also been seen on this beach in the past two weeks. Also, several notable individuals participated in the Bikini Chef contest, including Princess Lum Invader and, er, Numbers Four, Five and Six on the List."

(To those without intimate knowledge of the Japanese military's innermost secrets, the List is a specific list of beings that Monster Division is not allowed to follow, observe, harrass, or even mention the name of, by order of the Emperor himself. Unfortunately the Emperor didn't realize that, in order to make sure Monster Division wasn't watching these beings, Monster Division had to know where they were at all times. Still, it was a nice thought, and Belldandy, Urd and Skuld probably appreciated the effort.)

"That's a rather high concentration of powerful beings," General Clusterfuck said quietly. "Is there any chance that Godzilla's approach is coincidence?"

"None whatsoever," Colonel Corn shook his head.

"Right," General Clusterfuck said, turning in his seat to his second-in-command. "General Incompetence, put the Mazer cannon crews on full alert. They always feel left out if we don't."

"At once, sir," General Incompetence saluted.

"Meanwhile, Colonel Wheat," General Clusterfuck said, "do what you can to evacuate that beach without causing a panic. Don't shout 'Godzilla!' until you actually see him surface. Just... persuade... the people to get inland."

"That'll be tricky, sir," Colonel Wheat said. "May I have Colonel Linux's men as well to aid me?"

"No," General Clusterfuck said, "Colonel Linux will be busy preparing for the evacuation of Tokyo. All trains to be put on standby for evacuation use, all traffic into Tokyo stopped, that sort of thing. You'll have to get by on your own resources."

"Very good, sir."

"And Major Headache, I want you to find the wacky scientist, the beautiful female reporter, and the kid whose pants are way too short. They've got to be around here somewhere."

"But sir," Major Headache said, "my men haven't finished stringing up the superfluous high-voltage electric wires yet!"

"Well, maybe Godzilla won't notice the cold welcome," General Clusterfuck said. "We don't have time for all the niceties this time around."

"But Mecha-Godilla's in the shop for transmission repairs," Major Headache whined. "If we don't have those wires up, Godzilla will think we just don't care anymore."

"All right, all right!" General Clusterfuck said, throwing up his hands. "Find a Maverick Young Lieutenant somewhere and stick him with it!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Anything else? No? Good! Dismissed!" General Clusterfuck remained in his chair, staring at the projection as the other officers departed. "A moment, Major Applewhite," he said to the last officer, "remind me, who is this Hulk-chan again?"

"Tall, muscular, superstrong woman," the major replied, and when she noticed that didn't ring any bells in the general's memory, she added, "Green, sir."

"Green... oh, yes! Boobs like jam buns," the General nodded, "I remember the file photos now."

"Er, yes, sir," the major said coldly.

"Except that they don't make jam buns that big," the General added, "they wouldn't fit on a plate."

"Yes, sir," the major said, frost forming on her words.

"And if they made a peach as large as her butt, Momotaro wouldn't have to crouch to-"

"Dammit, Kenshiro," the major shouted, "get your ass out of that chair and go give some orders. And if I catch you 'reviewing your files' again, you're sleeping on the couch tonight, got me?"

"Yes dear," General Clusterfuck muttered. I should have listened to my dad, he thought, never marry someone in your chain of command.

Under the water, he could hear the cries of the creature. Soon it would escape its bonds, searching for a warm body to set root in and grow. That body would be ripped asunder, the remains used as fertilizer for the horror's seeds... and he could not allow that to happen.

No. He had to nip this thing in the bud.

He continued paddling, deep under the surface of the Pacific, pausing just long enough to make the pilot of an oceanography submarine pee his shorts.

Akane Tendo dragged herself out of her bed, popping joints and sighing to herself at the luxury of it all. Everything felt right in the world; the sun outside her window was, well, sunny, birds were chirping... well, cawing, over the sound of the surf. Ranma and/or his harem had failed to bust into her room and disturb her sleep. Best of all, she had slept through the night without the first hint or image of Hulk-chan.

It's such a beautiful day, she thought, going through her suitcase and picking out a light T-shirt and shorts rather than the heavy adaptable clothes she'd been wearing since Bikini Chef. I'm not going to let anybody spoil it for me, not Kuno, not Ranma, not Hulk-chan. I'm going to be cool like a cuttlefish. Even Tempered Akane, that's me.

A brief wash and dressing later, Akane stepped out in search of the breakfast buffet. I wonder where my sisters are? she wondered. I haven't seen them since last night...

Shampoo-neko yawned and stretched, awakening from troubled dreams to a massive hangover. She hadn't had a headache this big since she made the mistake of diving headlong into a full bag of catnip. (I want some hot water,) she thought, (hot water and about three hundred aspirin.)

It took Shampoo a few dizzy moments to realize that she wasn't in the Nekohanten, and a few more moments to remember where she actually was... why she'd been there... and what had actually happened. (The two naked young women, sprawled unconscious across the threshhold of Ranma's bathroom door, proved major aids to memory.) (Another disaster,) Shampoo thought. And that person with the gas... who was he? And what did he want with us?

As a cat, Shampoo possessed the mystic enchantment that made her unstoppable by any object or force on Earth. Unfortunately, the concurrent inhuman strength was restricted to her normal, human body. Shampoo put that down to the Jyusenkyo curse's delight in making its victims as miserable as possible and spent a couple of minutes hopping and jumping, grabbing and tugging, before she was able to get the hot water turned on in the hotel room's tiny shower.

An instant later, the shower stall was destroyed when 2.3 meters of muscular Amazon warrior sprang into existence in a space far too small to contain her. The shower door landed atop Nabiki, who groaned softly as Shampoo, the Unstoppable Juggy-naut, climbed out of the remains of the shower, turned off the water, and picked up the two smaller girls.

"Wake up!" Shampoo said, being very, very careful not to slap or shake either girl too hard. "Wake up! Where Ranma? What happen to Ranma?"

Nabiki was the first to come around. Her eyes cracked open, their gaze falling first on the huge melons hanging down from Shampoo's chest, swaying back and forth as Shampoo leaned over her. "I'm not in the mood, Shampoo," she grumbled, closing her eyes again. "Go bother Saotome, my head hurts."

"Ranma gone!" Shampoo shouted, shaking Nabiki's shoulder to wake her back up. "You not remember last night?"

"Hmm?" Nabiki's eyes cracked open again, looking at Shampoo's massive nude form, then at her own, more modest endowments, equally exposed. "If you're about to tell me that you and I got drunk and-"

"Listen to Shampoo," the Juggy-naut said. "Ran. Ma. Is. Gone. Not here. Try to remember!"

"Will you two be quiet?" Ukyo grumbled, turning over on the bed where Shampoo had laid the two girls down. "Some people are trying to sleep."

"The last thing I remember is you opening the bathroom door after each of us tried to seduce Ranma," Nabiki said.

"Hey! I'm naked!" Ukyo sat bolt upright, then winced as the jackhammer stuck in her head went into high gear.

"Mercenary Girl not remember what happen after?"

"Hey! YOU'RE naked!" Ukyo burrowed herself under the covers of Ranma's rickety bed. "What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

"I remember," Nabiki said slowly, "Room Service... and this purple cloud rising from the floor..."

"Yes!" Shampoo nodded. "Is someone knock us out, take Ranma!"

"I'm telling you now, you big-boned floozy," Ukyo growled, "if you've molested my honor I'm going to... ow, ow, ow." Ukyo sank back into the bed, holding her head as if it were about to explode. "I'll... do something or other to you, as soon as they stop playing the kettledrums and someone gets this dead rat out of my mouth."

Nabiki looked at Ukyo, then smacked her lips experimentally. "I don't have any taste in my mouth," she said quietly. "Just the headache."

"Spatula Girl get drunk yesterday," Shampoo sighed.

"I was not drunk," Ukyo said. "I was only pleasantly relaxed."

"Was drunk," Shampoo said. "Drunk like a... uh... like thing which is really, really... drunk." (Curse this stupid Japanese language.)

"Was not."

"Then why you try fuck Ranma last night?" Shampoo said bluntly. "You mad when Ranma ask fuck you yesterday."

"You tried too! Don't tell me you were drunk!"

"Shampoo Ranma concubine. Ranma mother say so. Is concubine's job fuck Ranma, yes?"

"Ranma's mother is a nutjob," Ukyo grumbled. "And what about you? Did Ice Queen Tendo get drunk, hm?"

"It's a woman's perogative to change her mind," Nabiki said. "Besides, unlike either of you, I have no desire to wed Ranma. My interests in him are either financial or carnal... not matrimonial."

"What Mercenary Girl say?"

"She said she wants to rob Ranma and fuck Ranma, but not marry him."

"That what Shampoo thought she said."

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

"You keep your hands off our Ranma!"

"Is too too right! Ranma not belong to you!"

"You know, you two should be grateful I don't want to steal Ranma's heart away from you," Nabiki drawled. "I don't give a damn about his wallet. All I want is a few hours or so with his dick. 'Kay?"

"Is NOT okay!"

"Yeah, it's bad enough with us, Akane, Hulk-chan, and that nut Kodachi, and whoever else Genma engaged Ran-chan to, after him. You just keep your hands to yourself!"

"What she said!"

"That goes for you too!"

"What? Shampoo have right to make Clouds and Rain with hus... with Ranma!"

"Like hell! It takes more than a bunch of muscles and tits you could suffocate an ox with to win Ran-chan!"

"At least Shampoo HAVE tits! Was bigger than Spatula Girl even before become Juggy-naut!"

"My breasts are just fine, thank you!"

"Is very bad you tie them down so much, yes? Stunt growth, maybe leave scars."

"I defy you to find a scar anywhere on them! Which is more than I can say for you, Ms. Better Living Through Plastic Surgery!"

"Shampoo not have surgery! Is all secret Amazon magic and good living!"

"Is about twenty gallons of silicone, is what it is!"

"Ladies, ladies..." Nabiki said, leaning up and pushing the two bickering women apart.

Brrrrring

Nabiki, Ukyo and Shampoo froze. Slowly, each turned to face the telephone on the nightstand, which rang again and again, a small light blinking next to the handset.

Slowly Ukyo (who was closest) reached over and picked up the handset. "Hello? Ranma Saotome isn't here right-"

"OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Ukyo dropped the phone, stunned by the Laugh at extreme close range. Nabiki picked up the handset as it fell, careful to keep it away from her ear until the Laugh ended.

"I know my darling Ranma-sama is not there, wench!" Kodachi's voice crowed, loud enough to be audible to all three girls.

"What have you done with him, Kodachi?" Nabiki asked.

"I? I? OH-HOHOHOHOHOHO!!" The girls flinched. "How bold you are to pretend ignorance of the truth! I know you are holding my darling Ranma captive- and I demand you return him to me at once!"

The girls looked at each other, shaking their heads at Kodachi's delusions. "We really do not have Ranma, Kodachi," Nabiki said. "After you sent down that man to gas us, we don't remember very much at all."

"Do you expect me to believe your flimsy lies?" Kodachi retorted. "My man broke up your attempt to involve my noble and virtuous hero in your foul orgiastic rites, but somehow you managed to substitute one of your own number for my Ranma-sama!"

"Substitute?"

"Yes," Kodachi replied. "I have that nameless red-headed whore in my possession now, that slut whom you thought to use as a changeling for my handsome, powerful, MALE Ranma-sama!"

"(Oh boy, is he ever male,)" Ukyo murmured.

"Do you now," Nabiki drawled.

"(I was so close to it,)" Ukyo continued. "(I touched it.)"

"Indeed I do," Kodachi replied. "And unless you yield up Ranma-sama to the only woman suitable to be his betrothed..."

"(What you mean, you touch?)" Shampoo hissed. "(Ranma dick is not for you!)"

"... then come noon your companion shall know pain, suffering and death as only a Kuno, dispensing righteous justice, can deliver it!"

"(It's mine as much as anybody... pain?)" Ukyo's mind absorbed Kodachi's words, drawing a picture in her head.

"(... suffering?)" Shampoo's mind colored in the picture Ukyo's drew.

"(... death?)"

"(Girl-type Ranma?)"

"I'm afraid we really do not have Ranma," Nabiki said quietly. "The only one who could produce him is... the red-haired girl."

"That is tragic, then," Kodachi mocked. "So, so tragic, and yet fitting, that the wicked act of standing between a noble, virginal Kuno maiden and her beloved shall be so justly avenged! Oh, such a story! Such beauty! Oh, my Ranma-SAMA! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!! OOOOH-HOHOHOHOHO-"

Click.

"Well, the Black Rose has flipped," Nabiki said, placing the handset on the cradle. "She has Ranma, is too stupid to know it, and will kill him-"

"Her," Ukyo corrected.

"Whatever," Nabiki said, "kill Ranma in the next, oh, two hours and fifty-two minutes."

"Is up to us!" Shampoo said, jumping off the bed and standing to her full height, muscles rippling with fury. "We go rescue Ranma from Crazy Girl!"

"Right with you!" Ukyo growled, leaping out of the covers to stand beside the Juggy-naut, her lithe muscles tense with her own anger.

"Oh, one other thing, ladies," Nabiki drawled from the bed as the other two girls rushed for the door.

Ukyo and Shampoo glanced back at Nabiki. "What?"

"Nice asses," Nabiki smirked, lying back and showing no impulse to move her gaze from about midships on each girl.

Ukyo and Shampoo looked down, each blushing as they remembered something rather... important. "Shampoo think is best we get dressed first," the Juggy-naut said quietly.

"Good idea," Ukyo nodded, reaching to the floor to retrieve her swimsuit.

"Back! Back! Back!"

*Crack!* *Crack!* *Crack!*

Ranma-chan flinched as Kodachi's whip lashed at the vines that nearly encased her otherwise naked body. Her attempt to relax and slip her limbs out of the loosened vines had only resulted in a surge of growth from the thick green trunks. Her arms were completely covered now, but Kodachi's whip was forcing the vines away from their grasp of her D-cups, to say nothing of those tendrils which had been working their way up her legs towards a place she'd just as soon nothing ever touch.

Hot water. Please hot water. PLEASE hot water. C'mon, gods, I haven't been that bad lately, have I? I mean, I know you have senses of humor, well, you've had your laugh, now please please PLEASE make with the hot water!

"I suggest you not make any attempt to escape, red-headed slut," Kodachi said, recoiling her whip. "As you can see, my pet reacts to movement with the greatest of alacrity."

I don't know what alacrity is, Ranma-chan thought, but it moved pretty damn fast.

"If those vines had managed to find any, oh, deep warm crevices in you," Kodachi said, "they would have attempted to plant seeds in your body. That would be bad... if it happens too soon, that is!" Switching her bullwhip for her even deadlier gymnast's ribbon, Kodachi danced around the penthouse suite, vaulting across massive trunks of green and narrowly avoiding small snake-pits of tiny tendrils, laughing all the while. "For if my Ranma-sama does not appear by noon, then my darling pet shall awaken... and nothing will save you then, wench! OH, HOHOHOHOHOHO!"

Ranma-chan, not the most imaginative person in Nerima, had a sudden vision of little plants taking root in her body... and what plant roots could do to sidewalks, streets, house foundations... and flesh.

hotwaterhotwaterhotwaterhotwaterhotwater...

Akane Tendo, for once, was feeling mildly charitable to Tatewaki Kuno. Breakfast, like the dinner before it, had been delicious. Her luxury suite had given her a wonderful night's sleep. Everywhere she walked in the hotel, she saw nothing but beautiful architecture, helpful staff, and wealthy assholes (well, two out of three wasn't bad).

She hadn't felt this relaxed since Hulk-chan had come into her life. Her tension was gone, absolutely gone. Now this is what a beach vacation is about! Akane thought. I think I'll get a bathing suit and go out and wade in the-

"Akane, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

Akane turned to face Nabiki... and her jaw dropped when she saw what her older sister was wearing. "Nabiki!! Put on some CLOTHES! Or at least some underwear, jeez, what are you thinking??"

"I'm thinking," Nabiki said, wearing nothing but her see-through nightgown, "that technically I'm fully clothed and within the restraints of the law, but that's not important right now!" Looking around to make sure nobody was listening, she whispered, "Ranma's been kidnapped."

"WHAT?"

"Not so loud. Kodachi tried to kidnap Ranma, but he was in girl form at the time. Now she's got him, er, her, and if we don't produce him by noon, Kodachi's going to kill Ranma-chan."

Nabiki's words undid every bit of good the day and night at Casa Kuno had done Akane. She could already feel her heart rate going up, and she had to take deep, calming breaths to stave off the fear and anger that knotted up her insides. "Okay," Akane said at last, "then we'll just have to rescue the idiot, won't we?"

"What do you mean, 'we'?" Nabiki said. "I'm not the fighter in the family..." She raised an eyebrow and added, in a voice that wouldn't carry beyond Akane's ear, "Do you mean Hulk-chan, perhaps?"

"No, I don't," Akane whispered back. "I'm not going to lose control to her just for a little extra strength. I don't need that strength to beat Kodachi anyway." She cracked her knuckles, nodding to herself. "Alone, then. No problem. Does anybody else know about it?"

Thundering footsteps reached her ears, and Akane's eyes turned to the lobby, where the Unstoppable Juggy-naut posed, muscles flexed, huge boobs barely contained by her armor, in front of two terrified desk clerks. "You tell where Crazy Rose Girl keep Girl-type Ranma or Shampoo turn you into pretzel!"

"And then I'll fry you just like a pretzel!" Ukyo, baker's peel and bandolier of spatulas worn over a tight-fitting swimsuit, stepped up beside Shampoo, fists clenched.

"Nay, do not waste your time with underlings!" Tatewaki Kuno appeared beside them, his bokken drawn and held in a dramatic pose. "I shall lead you to my insane sister's lair, where even now she holds the innocent Pig Tailed Girl in her clutches! Let us away!"

The mariachis appeared from nowhere and began to play:

"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno
Va al rescuar la captiva bonita
Los tres valientes, oy, can you believe-a
En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"

"Oh, a few people," Nabiki said quietly as the mariachis vanished again.

Akane stared at the group, fists clenched, muttering to herself, "I will not get angry, I will not get angry, I will not get angry..."

Meanwhile, a huge maser cannon carrier truck pulled up to the front door of Casa Kuno, ripping away the canopy from the entryway. The valet jumped back from the falling debris, gaping as the driver jumped down from the cab and tossed a key in his direction. "Park it close by," the man said, "I won't be here long."

"Bu-b-bu-b-but, I, er..." The natural Japanese respect for anyone in an official uniform kicked in. "Certainly, Major."

The man paused at the doors. "Major? I'm not a major? I'm a happy civilian on vacation, aha."

"You're wearing a uniform, sir."

"Army surplus!" the major replied. "It's all the fashion!"

"I'm pretty sure it's illegal to wear a uniform like that unless you're a military officer."

"The JDSF is not a military! Japan has no military! I am an officer in the civil defense forces of the Empire!"

"Aha!"

"... er... is what I'd say if I were a major, which I'm not."

"But you just said!"

"But I'm wearing a straw hat!" the major shouted.

"You are not!"

"Hey look, it's Chairman Kaga!"

"Where?"

The major took advantage of the valet's split-second distraction to switch headgear.

"Whoops, it's a beach umbrella. They're easy to confuse. Anyway, I am -so- wearing a straw hat!"

"But you weren't before!"

"Yes I was!"

"No you weren't!"

"Yes I was!"

"You were NOT! And even so, what difference does it make?"

"Straw hats are specifically prohibited to JSDF officers! If I were an officer, and wearing this hat, I'd be out of uniform! So obviously I'm not a major at all!"

"But you drove up in a maser cannon truck!"

"So?"

"Look, it's got the JSDF emblems on it and everything!"

"Well, the last one on the lot at the rental car place, you know how it is..."

"WHAT??"

"So if you could go park it, please, I'll be out in a couple hours..."

"But... I... you... AARRRGHH!"

"And don't scratch the bumpers," the major shouted as he jogged into the lobby, leaving the valet to look at the enormous truck and wish he'd learned how to drive stick-shift.

"Behold!" Kuno gestured towards a small elevator tucked just behind the double-doors that screened Casa Kuno's kitchens from the lobby and guest areas. "This is an express elevator directly to the penthouse suites. It shall be our chariot of retribution against my insane sibling." With a ding the doors opened, and Kuno strode into the elevator car, raising his sword dramatically. "Onward and upward to victory!"

The elevator's lights shorted out, and with a squeal of cut cables, the car plunged down out of sight, crashing into a sub-sub-basement several meters below.

Shampoo and Ukyo leaned down into the elevator shaft to look at the wreckage of the elevator car. From far below, amplified by echoes, came the voice: "... I fight on..."

"Well, that gets rid of the moron," Ukyo said. "I guess we take the stairs, hm?"

"Spatula Girl take stairs," Shampoo grinned, flexing her bulky arms. She leaned into the shaft, punching a hole into the steel-reinforced wall with her fingers. "Shampoo take shortcut." With shriek after shriek of punctured metal, Shampoo made her way up the shaft, leaving Ukyo to stare up after her.

From behind a potted palm tree, Akane watched the whole thing, having finally managed to bring her temper back under control. Okay, so who do I follow, then? she thought, considering her options. Shampoo would leave nice handholds in the side of the shaft... but Akane didn't like the idea of being under such a large potential falling object as the Juggy-naut. As for digging Kuno out and getting his help... no. No way could Akane hold her temper aroud Kuno. If she was going to follow anyone, it was Ukyo... who had just disappeared into the stairwell across the hall from her.

Right, then. Akane took one more deep breath, then ran after Ukyo, two sets of running footsteps echoing up the stairwell...

The doors of the private elevator squealed open, parting under the irresistible force of two massively sinewed arms to reveal two mountainous breasts barely contained by the upper edge of a flexible red-brown armor. The rest of the body followed a few moments later, when the elevator doors were completely open, the Juggy-naut stepping out of the shadowed shaft into the light of the penthouse hallway.

Casa Kuno had only the two penthouses to occupy its uppermost floor, each designed to be the absolute ultimate in luxury guest living. The door to one room lay ajar, and the briefest glance was sufficient to satisfy Shampoo that it was empty. The other door, the closed one, immediately took her full attention.

"Crazy Girl not keep Shampoo out," the Juggy-naut said, stomping towards the door. "Nothing stop the Juggy-naut! Noth-iiIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiii..."

The trapdoor quietly closed itself again, seams vanishing into the deep-pile carpet, as below Shampoo slid down a slick metal slide, realizing for the first time that being unstoppable meant, well, that you had serious problems in stopping yourself. (Of course, the near-vertical steepness of the shaft and Shampoo's magically boosted mass might account for that just as well.)

About ten seconds, and forty-odd stories, later, the shaft opened, and Shampoo found herself about twenty feet above Casa Kuno's Olympic-sized swimming pool... a position in space and time not tenable for tall, bemuscled women to maintain for any length of time.

*Splash.*

JSDF Major Malfunction, still wearing the ridiculous straw hat, stepped through the doors of the pool room, lost in thought. His orders from the Colonel had been to evacuate the building without actually saying "the G-word". Unfortunately, that rather limited his options, especially since the grand-opening occupants tended to be both very rich and very stupid. Casually mentioning a million-yen contest being held some five kilometers away didn't have the effect it might have, for instance, in the Ginza.

Oh, he'd made the effort. He'd even been, if he dared say so, inspired. Unfortunately, his announcement of a movie being filmed about ten blocks inland in the breakfast buffet only brought revealation that there really was a movie being filmed, and several of the stars were squabbling over the last croissant. Casual mention of a sale at the local swimwear boutique in the beauty salon had worked only enough for the wealthy hairdress-ees to send their personal servants out to check the sale and see if anything was in their size.

But this was the pool- no, the pool was empty. This was the hot tub, in which half a dozen people, evenly divided between ugly bald overweight businessmen and uglier old overweight society wives, demonstrated that anti-nudity laws exist for a number of very good reasons. Quite possibly evacuating this group- at least, evacuating them without the use of six rather large barrels, or sacks, or tarpaulins- was a disservice to mankind, but Major Malfunction had his orders.

He also had a straw hat on his head, as the group pointed out as soon as he walked over.

"I'm telling you," he said, "I'm not out of uniform, because I'm not a major, and definitely not a major in Monster Division. I am just an ordinary citizen with no sense of fashion on vacation."

"Anyone wearing that kind of straw hat definitely doesn't have a sense of fashion," one society matron sniffed, ignoring the fact that only the hot tub's constant froth of bubbles prevented passersby from clawing their own eyes out.

"Precisely my point," Major Malfunction nodded.

"Say, you wouldn't be here to evacuate the hotel because of Godzilla, would you?" the sharper of the businessmen asked, looking carefully at the major's uniform, complete with its Monster Division unit patch.

"Of course not!" the major replied. "I am most definitely not here because any monster is coming ashore on this beach in the next two hours or so! I am merely on vacation."

"Well, good," the businessman nodded, demonstrating that being the sharpest of three rich businessmen doesn't make you very sharp at all.

"Nice place for it," another businessman nodded. "Have you tried the truffle bar yet?"

"Not yet," the major replied uneasily.

"Please do, it's very good," the businessman nodded.

"Why don't you slip off those tacky clothes," one of the over-fifty women said, "and join us in the pool? You look so uncomfortable standing up there." The other two matrons giggled like little girls, and the major suppressed the urge to flee at once.

Inspiration struck. "I'm afraid not," the major said, shaking his head. "Do you know-"

In the main pool area there was a loud splash.

"-what they've done to the water in here?" he finished, not even pausing for the spattering drops to stop striking the partition between pool and hot tub.

"Oh, they've allowed those workmen to connect the water to the public supply, haven't they?" the fattest of the businessmen said calmly. "Well, thank goodness we don't have to worry about that, eh?"

"What?"

"You don't think we'd bathe in water, do you?"

The major looked down, noticing only for the first time that the air had a smell reminiscent of... alcohol. "You mean to say," he said quietly, "that this hot tub is filled... with champagne?"

"Only the finest!" the businessman chortled. (In this he was mistaken; although the initial volume of champagne had been reasonably good, after a certain point Casa Kuno's management reasoned that their customer base, who generally didn't have any brain cells to spare on alcoholic indulgences, wouldn't be able to tell the difference between champagne and soap suds, and so at a very early point the jets switched over to Chateaux Noeuf Jersey, possibly the most horrid champagne ever made... and, thus far, nobody had noticed.)

"Ah," said the major, not looking relieved so much as chagrined. "Well, as inviting as it looks, I-"

A little purple and white kitten sped between his legs, diving straight into the heated champagne.

"Whoa," the major said, "what was-"

The hot tub's contents surged up as a figure rose from its depths, champagne and foam sluicing off of skin rippling with muscles, draining from deep crevasses of flesh. Broad shoulders flexed forward as massive arms reached for the edge of the tub, wrapping around a bosom that seemed to lunge out at the viewer. First one magnificently sculpted leg, then another came out of the 'water', and the woman rose up on them like a Greek temple pediment on twin pillars. Long purple hair, bound into twin odangoes towards the back of the head, tossed back, sending champagne spraying across the astonished gentry.

Major Malfunction found himself looking first forward into the biggest boobs he'd ever seen, on the biggest chest he'd ever seen, attached to a neck, which supported a face that might have been beautiful if it weren't for those angry, bloodshot eyes. The only clothing, cover, or adornment of any sort on that bemuscled form was a pair of bracers, with matching handguards wrapped just beneath her fingers. Everything was not only exposed, it was up close and very personal.

The purple-haired giant roared a long stream of Chinese, so fast and thickly accented that the major, who spoke Cantonese fluently, couldn't pick up a word of it. When he smiled warmly and raised his hands to demonstrate his friendly nature, the giant let out a wordless bellow of pure rage, grabbed the major, and hurled him through the partition (which shattered) and into the pool beyond.

The major broke the surface and fished out the straw hat, slapping it back on his head with a grunt. The second splash from the waterlogged hat cleared his eyes just in time for him to see the tall, powerful woman stomp out of the room, her footsteps echoing like thunder, fading down the hallway.

Meanwhile, the businessmen and society matrons were standing out of the champagne-filled hot tub, gathering towels around themselves in slow motion. Jaws moved without sound, eyes bugged at open space. Six bodies, defiled by decades of overindulgence, stood stiff and immobile.

"Did you see that?" the major gasped, pulling himself out of the water. "I tell you, it's not safe when huge naked women appear out of nowhere like-"

"CHINAMEN!!"

"What?"

"The Red Horde is here!"

"They've come to devalue our traditions!"

"They've come to devalue our morals!"

"They've come to devalue our yen!!"

"Barbarians!"

"Assassins!"

"Tax collectors!"

With a unanimous scream, six bodies fled for their lives, leaving untold amounts of mental and emotional scarring in their wake.

The major considered this, nodded to himself in satisfaction, and followed, although at a slower pace. All in all, two and a half meter tall muscle women weren't much when you trained to battle Godzilla, King Ghidorah, and the like... but they provided a loophole to his orders. He didn't have to mention Godzilla; he could order the beach evacuated on the basis of a superhero battle. (Whether or not the naked girl was actually a hero, or fighting someone, wasn't relevant; she was definitely super-, for a number of applications of the prefix.)

And so, as Shampoo, grumbling, entered the elevator shaft for another climb, she could just barely hear the desk clerk saying, "You can't be a JSDF officer; you're wearing a straw hat."

Thirty flights of steps will take the spring out of just about anyone's steps, even highly trained martial artists. The fact that Ukyo and Akane had only slowed down, and were still keeping up a brisk trot, spoke to their intensive training; most other people would be asking for the phone number of the nearest cardiologist at this point.

Akane caught up to Ukyo around floor twenty-eight. Her attention was less on the pursuit than on her own heartbeat, which was pounding far too hard and fast with effort for her comfort. Calm, calm, calm... think Soul of Ice, nothing can upset you, you exist in the void...

"Akane! What are... YOU... doing here?"

I have every RIGHT to be here, you... calm calm calm calm calm, Soul of Ice... "Nabiki... told me... about Ranma," she said, as calmly as someone can while jogging up steep, narrow stairs and watching the skin of her arms for any hint of green can. Even as she said, "I'm here... to help... rescue him!" she realized that this was not as good an idea as it had seemed roughly- she glanced at a passing landing- thirty floors below.

Maybe I should have taken Nabiki's advice... changed into Hulk-chan on purpose... no, Akane thought grimly, I refuse to give up my body willingly, ever again, to that huge green lunatic. And I'm strong enough to take on Kodachi any day of the week, without any huge green boo- er, muscles to get in the way.

"You sure... you're up... to it?"

"Just... as sure... as you are!"

"Yeah... but I've... got weapons... and stuff..."

"You're... still wearing... your swim... suit!"

"I can move freely! ... In this!"

"A likely... story!"

"And I... look good... in it... too!"

. . .

"I said... I look-"

"I... heard... you."

"Then why- huh?"

The two girls stopped running as they reached the top of the stairwell... a very unusual top, since the stairs kept going directly up to the ceiling... which was not concrete or drywall or even spackle, but hard reinforced metal. The landing just below was for the thirty-ninth floor; considerably short of their destination.

"Well," Ukyo grumbled, looking up at the metal barrier, "what now?"

Shampoo emerged again from the elevator shaft on the penthouse floor. Meters away, the door to Kodachi's penthouse stood closed, mocking her in silence. "(I will not be fooled a second time, you squid-eating inbred bitch that you are!)" Shampoo shouted, far too angry to speak Japanese. It didn't help that, for some reason, the dunking in warm champagne had left her noticably drunk. She wasn't the-room-is-leaning drunk yet, just buzzed enough that physical coordination had become an annoying inconvenience.

Still, she was sober enough to step to the left of the spot where she'd found the trapdoor on her first attempt. With smug confidence she strode forward, her eyes on the goal of that crystal doorknob...

... and her foot on an entirely new trapdoor, which gave way under her weight and dropped her, screaming and swearing, back into that chute, which a few seconds later dropped her back into that damn cold pool with another enormous splash.

Shampoo-neko, now absolutely furious, paddled her way to the side of the pool to try again. A mariachi player pulled her out of the water and wiped the worst of the water out of her fur, then picked up his guitar and serenaded her as she splashed back into the alcoholic hot tub...

"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno
La gata violeta no desea nadar,
Pero en agua caliente ella se bombear
En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"

Shampoo, restored to full Juggy-naut form and rendered more intoxicated by her dunking, paused only to throw part of a wall at the mariachis before stomping her way, swaying slightly, back towards the elevator shaft...

Ranma-chan tried her very, very best not to move, but the slow creeping of the encasing vines up her legs and arms made that more and more difficult. The thick, rounded nubs of the vines... vines, not tentacles, just vines, nothing but vines that seek out warm crevices in the human body but that's not the same thing as tentacles... oh, how I wish I hadn't seen that damn movie... well, they were now within inches of her crotch and cleavage, and she could feel them crawling back and forth, as if sniffing out the dark places to push their way in.

Still, that wasn't the worst part.

Then there was the huge flower bulb hanging from the wall at the other end of the room. It had begun moving. Over the past hour or so tiny red seams had appeared on the sides as the sepals began to part. Under the sepals, bulges moved back and forth, as if something was trying to push its way out from within. Watching it made Ranma-chan feel sick, but not as sick as the idea of what would happen to her when that huge flower opened.

That wasn't the worst part, either.

The worst part was Kodachi laughing at the other fiancees thanks to the wonders of closed circuit television. Kodachi had arranged a security monitor desk in one of the bedrooms, and every few seconds a new wave of laughter echoed into the enormous living room. Then the thing in the flower bulb would tremble and scream, and the vines would squeeze tight around Ranma-chan's arms and legs, cutting off circulation and making her bones creak. Just when Ranma-chan recovered her breath, and the vines had loosened up enough to resume their growth, that laugh would erupt again, along with commentary about the idiocy of her rivals.

This is my punishment for being curious about sex, Ranma-chan decided. Someone Up There has decreed, Ranma Shalt Not Fuck. I know it. This is their way of letting me know. If I can find my way out of this, I'm going to become a monk. Forget the School, forget the Art, forget those fiancees, I'm going to be a monk. I hope they don't mind that I had my tonsures taken out when I was three.

"OHHHHH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOO!!!" Kodachi whirled out of the bedroom, trailing her ribbon behind her. Her leotard, if anything, seemed like it had been adjusted to enhance her body even more, calling attention to thigh and bosom like a traffic cop waving cars onto the turnpike. "Ooooh, thou red-headed whore, the futile antics of your allies are so amusing!"

"They ain't my allies," Ranma-chan said, gritting her teeth.

"Do not think your lies have any currency with me," Kodachi said huffily. "I have given you quite adequate opportunity to produce my darling Ranma-sama-"

"How the hell am I supposed to produce him if I can't even scratch my damn nose?"

"-but you persist in holding him captive."

"I AIN'T HOLDIN' HIM CAPTIVE!"

"And Shampoo has found the trap-doors which I set up with Hulk-chan in mind. Normal people can walk across in safety, but anyone as heavy as those two behemoths will find themselves bathing in the pool. And the Tendo girl and the cook are about to encounter my gauntlet of toys, firsthand."

"You got some sick ways of amusin' yourself, Kodachi!"

"And your antics appear to have excited my pet," Kodachi noted, running a finger along the bulbous head of one tenta- er, vine. "I should think it will awaken within the hour... perhaps even the half-hour."

Ranma-chan didn't respond to that. The thought of what would happen then pushed all other considerations out of her mind.

Damn, damn, damn, I hate bein' helpless like this. If I could just get free and clear for about five seconds I could turn this petunia into hash... well, if I could get free, clear, and dressed...

Ukyo and Akane opened the door and looked down the hallway of the thirty-ninth floor.

All in all, it looked like a normal hotel floor, with one long hall extending from their stairwell past room after room, past the central elevator bank and side hall, down to the ice machine on the far end and, more importantly, the other stairwell. Carpet and wallpaper were done up in the same ugly faux Mexican motif that pervaded Casa Kuno, right down to the curved red tile that trimmed each door like a little roof.

And yet... no hotel corridor was ever so silent. The hotel was, supposedly, sold out, and the clientele tended to rise late and sit in as often as not. Even if everyone on the floor had gone to breakfast- or, by now, a very tardy brunch- there still should have been maids cleaning the linens, laying out fresh herbal shampoos, and rifling the luggage for cash and valuables.

"You go first," Akane said quietly.

"Me? Why should I go first?"

"Um... because you got here first?"

"Like hell I'm stepping out there first! That hall's probably full of booby traps or something! You want me to go out there and get killed so you can have Ran-chan to yourself!"

No, I want yo to go out first so that, when we start springing traps, you'll have your back turned to me, and you won't see it if I start to change. "What's the matter? Don't you want to be the first one to get to Ranma?"

"I want to get to him in one piece!"

"Well, suit yourself," Akane said. "I'm going back downstairs."

"WHAT?"

"Hey, this engagement wasn't my idea, remember? I just thought you might like some help rescuing your 'Ran-chan.' But if you've changed your mind..."

"Oh, all right," Ukyo grumbled, calling Akane some very nasty things under her breath as she stepped out into the hallway. Akane followed closely behind, easing the door shut, then yanking her hand away a split second before the descending steel barrier could take it off her arm.

"Er," Akane said, staring at the eight-centimeter-thick metal.

"Yeah, 'er,'" Ukyo said, staring likewise. She slid the giant spatula off her back and held it at the ready in both hands, looking back and forth at the walls for any sign of attack. Carefully she walked forwards, scanning the hallway back and forth, step after careful step. From her bandolier she tossed smaller spatulas forward in her path, watching to see if any of them triggered traps.

It didn't take long at all for her to find one. The fourth throwing spatula hit the carpet with a click, and a moment later a rain of darts erupted from beneath the curved tiles, peppering the carpet just in front of the girls. Nodding, Ukyo took two steps backwards, then ran forward and leaped, somersaulting over the dead zone and landing safely, on her feet, well beyond the doors.

Akane grumbled, taking a few deep breaths to steady her control and slow her heartbeat. Then she made her own leap, flying over the darts, but landing far short of Ukyo's mark. She fell to her knees, unable to stick the landing as Ukyo had... and, a moment later, she felt the floor slide out from under her as a trapdoor, stretching from wall to wall, opened to swallow her. With a desperate lunge she grabbed the edge of the opening maw, getting her arms and shoulders over it before the floor dropped completely away.

She barely noticed Ukyo pulling her out and onto solid ground again; the sudden pounding of her heart, the heat beginning to burn in her arms and legs, held Akane's full attention. Calm, calm, calm... everything's all right, nothing to worry about... stay calm, stay focused... Her heart slowed, the burning sensation went away, and Akane allowed herself to breathe again.

"Hey, Akane, you all right?" Ukyo said, helping her to her feet. "You looked really pale for a second there."

"Just fine," Akane nodded, "just misjudged the distance."

"Well, there's a lot more to practice on," Ukyo said, nodding her head down the hallway. "You up for it?"

"Sure," Akane said, trying to ignore the beating of her own heart. This is just training, cool and calm... "Let's do it."

Two sets of room doors later Akane felt something shift under her feet as she landed; however, the floor failed to open up under her as it had previously. She rolled forward and bounced to her feet, looking around and listening for any movement in the walls.

Then she heard it; but instead of the walls, the soft grinding sound seemed to come from the ceiling...

Behind them, just above the stairwell they'd come out of, the ceiling tiles fell with a thud to the floor. Slowly, but with building speed, a rounded boulder, stretching from wall to wall, began to roll down tracks in each wall that the girls had taken for decorative trim.

In the split second the girls had to react, both moved at the same time and in the same direction. Moving more swiftly than they had come, the girls leaped and ran back up the hallway, dodging darts, jumping trapdoors, finally diving forward under the descending bottom of the boulder, letting it roll above their heads along the guide tracks. It finally dropped to the floor some distance behind them, smashing up the floor switches and dart-throwing door lintels in its slow, stead course down the hallway.

Akane picked herself up off of the floor and realized that, this time, she hadn't had time to be scared or angry. Her heartbeat was fast, but not that hard pounding she'd been associating with an impending transformation. With a sigh, and even a giggle, of relief, she watched the boulder roll down the hallway, destroying the decor en route. Finally, at the far end of the hall, it smashed through the wall and fell"Well, that was easy," she said at last.

Ukyo joined her in the giggle as the two walked calmly down the hall in the wake of the huge boulder, idly inspecting the smashed mechanisms and scattered leftover darts scattered around the doors.

They didn't notice the second boulder until it was already too late to dodge it...

"But Major... if you actually are a major... I am afraid I cannot justify disturbing our guests based on an unfounded rumor that superhumans are in the resort."

Major Malfunction (once more in his proper uniform cap) leaned over the counter and glared at the uncooperative desk clerk. "Lives depend on your quick action!" he shouted. "You are impeding an officer of His Serene Imperial Majesty's Self Defense Forces! I am here upon the Emperor's command!"

"The emperor's second cousin is on the thirty-fourth floor in a duplex suite," the desk clerk said quietly. "Are -you- going to wake him up after he stayed up to four in the morning getting drunk with his friends?"

"And are you going to let him sleep while the hotel falls down around him?"

"Casa Kuno is not going to fall down! This resort is as sturdy and stable as Fuji!"

"Fuji has landslides and avalanches almost every year!" This was all too true; Monster Division's ultra-secret Fuji base cost two hundred million yen per year to maintain, and that wasn't counting the fees to the neighborhood property owner's association.

"I tell you this hotel is SOLID!" the desk clerk shouted, slamming the counter with his fist; the impact jarred loose a lighting fixture, which fell behind him with a shower of sparks and a clatter of aluminum. "Er... pay no attention to that."

"And I'm telling you the danger is real!" Major Malfunction replied. "Now help me get these people out of here before it's too late!"

"Unless you have some proof that there are superhuman beings in this building," the desk clerk said, each word falling with stony finality, "I regret to inform you that we cannot accede to your request."

As if on cue, a towering figure swayed into the lobby, taller than any normal man, more voluptuous than any woman, with more muscles than most bears. Purple hair swayed behind her in time with the weaving of the rest of her body, her feet stumbling forward in what was a barely controlled fall. Somehow she managed to reach the counter beside Major Malfunction, catching herself with her forearms and leaning heavily forward, her bare breasts dropping on the countertop hard enough to crack the stone inlay.

"Shampoo want know where complimentary coffee is," the enormous young woman said, her eyes struggling to focus on the desk clerk.

"Er... we have no complimentary coffee..." The desk clerk looked with alarm as Shampoo's fingers gripped the countertop and began, very slowly, crushing it into splinters. "... but I'm sure I can find some somewhere!!"

"Three cups, black," Shampoo said, watching the desk clerk vanish into the offices behind the counter. After a moment's waiting, she turned to face the major. "What you looking at?" she snapped. "You want trouble?"

"Your name is Shampoo?" the major asked. "Is that a code name?"

"What code name? Shampoo is Shampoo!" Shampoo replied. "Shampoo is I, greatest warrior of Joketsuzoku Chinese Amazon village tribe... thingy... and also Unstoppable Juggy-naut too!"

"Hang on, hang on... how do you write 'Joketsuzoku?'"

"With brush if have one, with pen or pencil if not, why?"

"Never mind, I'll just use romanji... J-o-k-e-t... one or two Z's?"

"I tell you I take coffee black! You not listen?"

"Er. Yes. And you are unstoppable Juggernaut?"

"Jug-gy-naut. Like these." Shampoo pushed herself upright to show off the two objects on her chest that only emphasized just how narrow her waist was in proportion to... other regions. Her lack of balance transmitted itself to those two objects, which wobbled and bounced back and forth with every correction of her balance.

"Er, you mean as in 'juggies'?"

"Smart boy. Why you in Halloween costume?"

"I'm an officer in the JSDF, Monster Division!"

"Oh. Godzilla coming again?"

Before the major could deny this, the desk clerk returned with several styrofoam cups and a coffee pot half-full with what, at first glance, appeared to be used motor oil. Three cups of the viscous substance later, Shampoo's swaying had more or less stopped, and she flexed her arms and watched her hands for tremors.

Satisfied, she growled, "Person who fill hot tub with booze should be drag behind wild horses over mountain road until nothing left to drag." She began to walk purposely back towards the elevators; then, considering, she turned back to say, "Make more. Shampoo have feeling I be back."

"Yes, ma'am," the desk clerk nodded, sweating.

With that Shampoo stomped away, leaving the desk clerk to stare in horror after her... a horror tempered with admiration for the tight butt rocking back and forth with every thunderous step.

"Is that proof enough for you?" Major Malfunction said.

The desk clerk slowly unfroze, nodded, and picked up the desk phone. "Kana, get me the Emperor's cousin's room," he said quietly, "and have room service send up a bottle of aspirin and some very strong tea to his door."

"Push the button! Push the button!" Akane was struggling to remain calm, a struggle made all the more difficult by the tons of rock rolling down the hall towards her. Her heart was speeding up again, and she thought she could feel that burning sensation start again, spreading through her veins...

"I AM pushing it!!" Ukyo snapped, her finger punching both elevator call buttons rapidly as slowly but unstoppably the crushing rock approached...

Ding. The elevator doors opened.

"Forsooth, why hast this elevator halted? For I am certain my override key was properly eng-" Tatewaki Kuno, a little the worse for wear, found himself propelled out of the elevator by the two girls in their haste to avoid the boulder. "Indeed, 'twas no purpose in such rough handling of my noble-"

Kuno paused in his speech, withdrew his boken from his belt, and almost idly slashed the oncoming boulder into a pile of pebbles. "Ah, that explains it," Kuno said, restoring his wooden sword to its place, "my sister has engaged the penthouse defense systems."

Akane paid little attention to Kuno's words, gasping for breath as she fought down the transformation. Slowly, slowly, her shirt loosened as her body calmed down; the legs of her shorts stopped digging into the flesh of her thighs, allowing more normal circulation to flow. Her heart rate slowed once more, no longer trying to jump out of her chest.

Calm... calm... that's right... that was close, Akane thought. Almost lost control there. I'm really thinking this was a very bad idea. I don't know if I can keep myself from changing next time...

"And you, the beauteous Akane Tendo!" Kuno said triumphantly. "Forsooth, my noble struggles have freed you from the disfiguring spell of that foul-"

Before Kuno's outstretched arms could be converted into the embrace that would have overwhelmed Akane's tenuous self-control, Ukyo knocked him over the head with her spatula. "Wait a minute, lover boy!" she said. "You said you could get us through the defenses, right?"

"That was unnecessary, chef Kunoji," Kuno replied.

"Yes or no?"

"Yes, most certainly," Kuno said. "As head of the Kuno family-"

"Head of the family?" Akane asked, her curiosity overcoming her reluctance to give Kuno the time of day.

"As the sanest of our clan, the duty falls to me," Kuno noted.

"(Now that's a small qualification,)" Ukyo muttered under her breath.

"In any case, I possess override keys and codes for all the defense mechanisms in this hotel," Kuno continued. "Had it not been for your calling the elevator just now, I would already have defeated my insane sister and released the beauteous Pig Tailed Girl from her clutches."

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever," Ukyo muttered, pushing Kuno over to the elevator's buttons. "Just get us there quick, willya?"

"There is no need to be rude, Kunoji," Kuno muttered, pushing the button for the penthouse yet again, then pushing the door close button.

A split second later Ukyo's hand slammed onto the elevator's emergency stop button. The doors opened again to show the elevator's drop- some four feet in all, leaving only a narrow space open on the thirty-ninth floor and an even narrower space open on the thirty-eighth floor below. "Overrides for all systems, eh?" Ukyo grumbled.

"Perhaps my sister has installed systems about which I have no knowledge," Kuno replied.

"Perhaps!"

"In any case, we must abandon this conveyance and proceed on foot," Kuno replied. "Etiquette demands ladies first. Akane Tendo, may I assist you?"

For once Akane had no problems accepting Kuno's help. Kuno might be delusional and presumptive, but one thing he wasn't was a pervert. Within his insane ravings, he was actually something of a gentleman. "Thanks, Kuno," she said, accepting his offer of a boost and sliding effortlessly through the gap.

"And now you, Kunoji." Ukyo soon followed Akane out of the elevator. She brushed the dust off her swimsuit, turning back to accept the baker's peel from Kuno's hands. "And now that you ladies are safe, I shall evacuate this-" Kuno's words were cut off by the closing of the elevator doors; a moment later the sound of sheared cable squealed through the hallway, and with a rattle and roar the elevator car descended the shaft, taking Kuno with it.

"Well, for once Kuno was useful," Ukyo grumbled, staring at the closed doors. "And more important, he didn't overstay his welcome."

"Whatever," Akane said. "Let's just get this over with."

"It's practically over already, isn't it?" Ukyo said. "Those boulders smashed up all the defense systems on this floor. It's clear sailing from here to the penthouse, right?"

A stream of Chinese swear words echoed from the walls, rising in pitch rapidly and then fading into silence with equal speed.

"Or maybe not," Ukyo admitted. "Let's get moving."

He felt, for a brief moment, the grit of volcanic sand and rock beneath his feet, shifting as he paddled his way through the cold salt water. One kick, and the undersea ridge was behind him, his clawed toes touching nothing but ocean deeps once more. Still, it was a good sign; the ocean floor grew shallower under him with every kick. The Japan Trench lay far behind him now, and the land under the sea rose steadily up towards the Japanese shores.

Then, down in the depths, thirty stories down, his foot again found the sand and rock. This time it was not merely a ridge on the ocean floor, but the floor itself; his swimming became a walk, feet pushing firmly against the slowly rising seabed. Only minutes remained, and then his claws would rend the horror man had taken from his island into bits, stomp on the remains, and then cleanse it all with atomic fire.

If he had time, he'd also renew his membership with Greenpeace while he was in town...

Akane and Ukyo both groaned when they found that the new staircase would only allow them up one floor before it, too, was blocked off; not by a blast door, but by the natural termination of the staircase. Above the fortieth floor, Casa Kuno narrowed to smaller floors for the elite luxury suites that the Tendo girls stayed in, and the penthouses on the very highest floor. Only one stairwell led up and down from these floors... one next to the elevator shafts, at the midpoint of the building.

Both Ukyo and Akane noted that the hallway they entered was shorter than the one below; a large area at each end had been blocked off to conceal the boulders which had rolled down on them. Thankfully, the rocks in -this- end of the hall remained in place, the triggers destroyed by the release of the other boulders. More importantly, no guide-track wall trim appeared in this hallway to warn of more boulders, and no red-tile lintels hung over doorways to conceal dart guns.

All in all, the girls thought, it looked completely safe, and thus they were almost totally surprised when the ceiling above them dropped.

Ukyo, battle spatula in hand, went to her knees and grounded the butt of the baker's peel, pointing the blade upwards to stop the tile's rapid descent. Akane, seeing Ukyo move, dropped into a perfect baseball slide, picking up a case of carpet burn as she slid past the far edge of the fallen section of tile... tile, she noticed, backed by very thick steel lowered by a hydraulic press.

The spatula's shaft began to bend, and Ukyo tried to pull her primary weapon out, her body oriented to fall backwards out of harm's way. Akane, without even a moment of hesitation, grabbed Ukyo by the feet and yanked hard, pulling the chef out of harm's way just as the butt of the spatula punched through the floor. Ukyo's fingers just missed being crushed, or possibly amputated, under the edge of the massive metal weight.

"Damn, that was close," Akane gasped, crawling backwards along the floor and rubbing the red slot on her leg. Again, there hadn't been time to be afraid, not even time for the adrenaline to kick in; just barely enough time to act, and she had acted. Now she wanted to lie down and rest, oh, for about a month. She actually felt more tired, at the moment, than she did when she regained her body from Hulk-chan.

"That was my last baker's peel," Ukyo grumbled, looking at the massive crushing press and the hydraulics which, even now, pressed it harder and harder against the hall floor. "Dammit, that bitch is going to pay for this."

Akane pushed herself to her feet, trying to shake off the fatigue. If this is what Ranma has to go through whenever he rescues me, then I am never, ever going to take him for granted again. "Come on," she said, setting a brisk pace to the elevator and stairwell doors, "the sooner we face her, the sooner we get your new spatula paid for."

An instant later a blast shield dropped behind Akane like a guillotine, sealing her off from Ukyo. "Hey!!" she shouted, turning around and beating at the metal. "Ukyo! You all right?"

"I'm fine," Ukyo shouted, the metal barrier muffling the sound almost completely. "Keep going! I'll find another way up!"

"You're trapped behind a metal door and you're going to find another way up?" Akane waited for a response, but heard nothing. "Ukyo! Ukyo, where are you!!" No answer. "Dammit, SAY something!" Akane's shouts, and her hammering on the metal wall, produced nothing but ringing echoes, and then silence.

Alone. Akane had to face Kodachi alone.

bam bam whoosh "(Sons of a cowardly oxherrrrrd...!!)"

Well, alone except for a Juggy-naut who seemed busy falling somewhere behind the walls.

Akane stood and thought for several long seconds. Could she go forward and battle Kodachi- and her traps, gimmicks, and other cheats- alone? Could Ranma-chan break free herself and deal with Kodachi? Hell, what were those two doing up there? Maybe Kodachi had found some hot water. Maybe that two-timing Ranma was really making out with Kodachi, and laughing his head off at...

No. Not even Akane could believe that, not under the circumstances. If Ukyo had been the kidnapper, or Shampoo, or someone else, Akane could envision Ranma having all sorts of extracurricular fun with them... but Kodachi was just too much of a homicidal fruitcake for Akane to envision Ranma doing anything other than escaping...

In reality, Ranma-chan was too scared to think of escaping, or much of anything else. Those damn vines were moving faster, now, and Ranma-chan found it impossible to stay still with the tickling, creeping, and crushing growths winding around and around, the nubs on the ends sniffing closer and closer to her bare crotch. The vines around her arms had flirted with her armpits for a minute or two of uncontrollable giggles, then moved on; they brushed now against the edges of her breasts.

They seek out warm, wet, tight spots... to plant their seed... Ranma-chan did not like the thought of becoming planting soil for some strange weed. She didn't like it at ALL. She liked it rather less than she liked math class, and considering how much torture algebra was for Ranma Saotome, that thought deserved special notice. She didn't want any part of it... but she didn't have any ideas. Ideas tended to shrivel up in her head, where they had to share space with multiple images of vines here, vines over here, and especially vines down THERE.

Ranma-chan didn't even bother making the distinction between vines and tentacles anymore. It didn't help.

Ranma-chan wriggled her hips slightly to keep the curling tip of the vine away from its intended final target. The vine responded to the movement by growing faster, and Ranma gasped as one vinetip began sliding under her right breast, moving quickly now that it had found a warm, snug place. Images flooded Ranma-chan's mind, all evil, most including blood and gore that only a filmmaker on the level of Sam Peckinpah would have considered in good taste.

With all rational thought flooded out by fear, Ranma did the only thing she could; she bent her head down and bit the vine, digging her teeth in as hard as she could. The woody stem resisted her bite, but the vine tip responded at once, writhing back like a snake out from under her breast...

... and as Ranma-chan's eyes widened with terror, the end of the vine split, and the vine screamed, a little mouth with rows of tiny little white teeth opening wide to keen its outrage at Ranma's assault.

Even as Ranma-chan spit out the vine, the other vine tips split open as well, adding their own wails to the first. The big bulb on the wall across the room writhed even more frantically, and the very tip split open, bright red visible among the green sepals that still, just barely, held the bud closed. From the bulb emerged a thin smoke, glittering for a moment in the air, then vanishing as it dissolved through the penthouse living room's athmosphere.

A moment later, Ranma-chan smelled something new in the air... something sweet, yet deep and musky, sort of like that brown sugar Kasumi bought that was imported from Canada, or like... like...

With an electric shock Ranma-chan felt a warm shock run through her body. Her nipples hardened almost immediately, the skin of her auroleae tightening almost painfully as the little nubs rose from her breast. Between her legs, she could feel a stickiness building rapidly, and she felt something just within her working against her efforts to keep certain muscles flexed closed.

Aphrodesiac. A really, really, REALLY strong one. Ranma watched as those vine tips ceased screaming and began mewling quietly, resuming their blind search for a hospitable spot on Ranma-chan's body. The slow motion of the vines against her skin began to feel different... no longer constricting or itching, but... stroking... rubbing... in ways that felt... felt...

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no NO NO...

Akane stilled her imaginings. I can't afford to get myself worked up, she thought. The only way I can be sure that Ranma is safe is if I keep control. I have to keep focused and get moving... fast. She stepped over to the elevator and, out of habit, pushed the button.

"What am I doing?" she muttered. "The elevator's broken. Sabotaged. Kuno rode it to the bottom of the-"

The doors opened up. Thick jointed cables made of jointed steel rings shot out of the chamber beyond, wrapping around Akane's wrists and ankles and gripping them painfully tight. An instant later they jerked back, and Akane squealed as she was borne off her feet, through the air, into the elevator. The doors closed behind her, dropping her into utter darkness.

In the darkness Akane could hear things moving, mechanical things. Even as the cables snaked around her wrists and ankles drew taut, spreading her limbs wide, new robotic cables began to wrap around her body, these much thicker, moving slower but with greater purpose across her body, pulling at the T-shirt and shorts as they rubbed against her.

Oh my god oh my god oh my GOD... Akane had seen considerably more tentacle porn than Ranma, mostly at slumber parties for purposes of gleeful gross-out entertainment. She'd never thought it would actually happen to her, but some of the things that happened in those shows...

Fear overwhelmed her mind. She struggled frantically to yank her arms and legs from their restraints with no result, the cables too strong for Akane's efforts. Unheeding, she continued to tug and jump, no longer noticing her heart racing away in her chest, rattling the cage of her ribs, pumping liquid fire through her arteries to every part of her toned, trained body. In the shadows of the elevator, Akane's eyes gleamed a brilliant, almost glowing green.

One thick metal tentacle wrapped itself around Akane's chest, stretching around a torso already beginning to fill out as muscle and bone began to expand. Petite breasts began to push at the T-shirt, filling out over the steel-banded cable as they expanded, restrained only momentarily by Akane's bra. The back of the T-shirt actually stretched tighter faster, though, as her shoulders broadened and as ribs and muscles grew broader and thicker with every pulse of adrenalin-filled blood through her veins.

Akane's simple sandals slipped off her feet as they began to grow, clattering onto the elevator floor below her. Those feet began to stretch and thicken, retaining their general shape while adding muscle mass beyond any kinky podiatrist's dreams. Above the ankle, her calves bulged and stretched into luxuriously sexy curves, broken only by the attempts of those flexible robot arms to curl and tighten around them.

Other thick steel cables began to strain, sparking and hissing, around Akane's arms, which swelled larger and thicker with every flex and tug. Biceps and triceps rose like bread loaves along what had been smooth limbs, forcing the metal tentacles back, stretching out the short sleeves of Akane's shirt. The smaller cables holding her up strained as the weight they bore grew heavier, tugged harder as Akane's growth gave them unwanted slack.

Gradually the sensation of terror gave way to the euphoria, the sexual thrill of the change. Even as the legs of her shorts split apart around her thickening thighs, new cables lunged between her legs to wrap under her crotch, dragging the overstretched fabric of her shorts and panties across her sensitive sex. Other cables crossed around her chest in an X, further deliniating the rising spheres of her bosom under the taut, strained cotton of her shirt. These new cables stretched tight, trying to bring the tips back to the unseen wall wherein they were anchored, rubbing across her darkening flesh in strange imitation of a lover's caresses.

Akane's body writhed with pleasure, her hard abdomen popping off the button of her shorts, as the robotic tentacles struggled to keep her contained. The back of her shirt ripped from the bottom up as her arms flexed upwards, even as smaller rips appeared in the front where the enclosing cables pulled the fabric tight across her massive boobs. She rocked her hips against the cables between her legs, ripping apart the remains of her clothing against the ribbed joints of the robotic arms.

She tossed her head and growled lustfully, her lengthening hair brushing across shoulders and cables alike. Power flooded her system; every sinew of her body pulsed with energy, every bone glowed inside her with indescribable warmth. Wetness covered her crotch as her excitement leaked from her, sweat and sex filling the stuffy air in the elevator car.

Finally, with a roar Hulk-chan flexed her arms and legs, yanking the restraining cables out of their anchorages. She took a deep breath, stretching the arms wrapped around her beyond their capacity to adapt, and they began to short out, loosening and falling away from her torso. With a snarl she freed first one arm and then the other from the thicker encasing arms, rending the arms into shards of steel and wire with almost contemptuous ease.

Falling to her feet, Hulk-chan reached around and found the tip of one of the cables wrapped through her hips and over her mound. "You'd make a great sex toy, buster," she growled, easily pulling it in front of her despite its efforts to pull away, "but what you're touching belongs, first and foremost, to my Ranma!" Before she could crush the head, the servomotors within the arm splintered and cracked loudly, and with a shower of sparks the steel tentacle tore itself apart.

Disgusted, Hulk-chan tossed the limp cable away and ripped off the others trying to encase her mighty form. In moments the floor of the dark elevator was covered in metal scraps, some still sparking, still connected to the power source in the wall. Moments after that, ten green fingers punched their way into the seams of the elevator doors, and with a squeal they opened, allowing light to shine into the elevator once again.

The hotel lights shone on nearly eight feet of Amazonian might, from the wild, bushy tangle of hair down to the sturdy ankles, from the tip of her erect nipples back to the massive sine curve of her gluteus. Hulk-chan wiped a little remaining sweat from her brow, brushed her hand through her hair, and looked around at her surroundings, trying to figure out how she had come to be there in the first place.

"Leave it to Akane to get into trouble she can't get out of by herself," she grumbled. The fog of her memories- of Akane's memories- parted only reluctantly, but when it did, Hulk-chan snapped to sudden attention. "You idiot, Akane, you complete idiot," she said, remembering with difficulty the ascent up the hotel. "You should have left this to me in the first place! But where Akane Tendo fails, Hulk-chan will succeed- because Sexy Amazon Hulk-chan is the strongest one there is!"

A whooshing sound in the walls, followed by more faint Chinese cursing, constituted the only reaction to Hulk-chan's proclamation. "I've gotta get an audience for these little speeches," she grumbled. "But later... now to get to work..."

The desk clerk watched with anxiety as a steady stream of the wealthy filed through the lobby doors. More of them were strolling out onto the beach instead, expecting to watch the impending superhero fight from a safe distance before returning for the swallow's nest burgers on the lunch menu ($3000 per plate). None of them seemed particularly agitated, except for those Sinophobes such as the group of nudists currently riding off in the back of a police car for causing mass mental anguish through indecent exposure.

This, of course, would leave the hotel almost empty, except for staff, the Kuno siblings (neither of whom he could locate now) and that huge muscular Chinese woman. This was no comfort, especially since this left him dealing with an increasingly drunk and angry woman who had to duck to get through doorways and who could open a safe by punching a fist into the side.

To this end, he had put a large tureen of freshly brewed coffee on the counter. He had used up every bit of the cheap rubbish the staff used to stay awake through night shifts, but the rough aroma of bargain-brand coffee kept virtually all the over-wealthy guests away from the pot. The five gallons of coffee would satisfy that muscle-bound girl for however long it took her to do... whatever it was she was doing.

As the lobby finally cleared out, the desk clerk noticed a small kitten, soaking wet, trotting in from the pool area. It had purple and white fur, with little jingle bells in the hair around the head, and someone had put little red bands around its forepaws. This irritated the desk clerk; he had a low tolerance for cruelty to animals. "C'mere, kitty kitty," he said quietly, "and let me get that nasty tape off your paws, hm?"

The kitten ignored him, leaping onto the counter and looking the huge coffee pot over. Ignoring the heat of the metal, the kitten jumped up and clung to the outside of the pot with all four limbs, using her head to butt the lid off the top before dropping back to the counter. This done, the kitten jumped again, and before the desk clerk could catch it, it dropped- ker-plunk!- into the hot coffee.

The desk clerk had about one moment to spend in horror at the kitten's apparent suicide; then the huge metal coffee pot exploded. Shards of metal flew everywhere, along with a rain of scalding hot coffee that drenched his suit and spattered his hair. Only an upflung arm saved his face from serious burns; as it was, his hand and arm felt much warmer than comfortable.

He barely felt the hot coffee on him, though; his eyes were focused on that purple-haired Chinese girl from before. Somewhere about the same time as the pot had blown up, the countertop where it had stood had crumbled under the weight of the Juggy-naut. As he watched, coffee pooled in her cleavage, said cleavage gathered together by her folded arms, before running down the front of her massive bosom and over her forearms onto the carpet. Her purple hair was soaked with coffee, dripping the stuff everywhere around her.

As the Juggy-naut stood on the wreckage of the counter, glaring angrily at him with stone cold sober eyes, the desk clerk noted for the first time the little jangles tied into her hair.

"Why hot tub turned off?" she snarled.

"We're evacuating the building," the desk clerk replied. "The hot tub was turned off to save energy.

"You turn back on," she said softly. "And this time you fill with water. You understand water? Only crazy Japanese fill hot tub with fizzy-booze."

"I shall see to it personally," the clerk said.

"Is good," the Juggy-naut nodded. "One more thing; you tell anyone what you see, you die. Clear?"

"Crystal," the desk clerk nodded.

"Good," she nodded again in reply. "Shampoo may be back shortly. Get that hot tub back on right now!" This said, the naked Juggy-naut turned and ran for the elevators, her footsteps shaking the ground more than usual. Bits of the countertop still standing crumbled down to join the litter with every step.

I should have listened to my mother, the desk clerk said. People in the Bomb Squad get great pay and benefits, and the job isn't anything as stressful as this... and you don't have to wear a tie all the time, either...

After very brief contemplation of the elevator shaft and the stairwell, Hulk-chan decided to take a more direct route to the penthouse. After all, up was up, right?

A few moments later, a green fist smashed up through the floor in the forty-first floor elevator landing, followed almost immediately by the rest of Hulk-chan's naked body, not to mention quite a lot of debris. Hope Nintendo doesn't sue me for my Super Mario imitation, she thought as she stepped over to solid ground for her next jump.

Several floors of luxury suites got punctured in short order, Hulk-chan moving over a bit each time. Jump, punch, move. Jump, punch, move. In less than a minute only one floor lay between her and the penthouses, and she jumped and punched her way through it... and, in so doing, nearly gave Nabiki a heart attack.

"Kuso!! Don't SCARE me like that!" Nabiki's transparent nightie was long gone; she wore a much more modest blouse, knee-length shorts, and ankle-length socks and shoes. She carried a bag in each hand; one her own travel bag, the other, much larger bag containing Akane's (and Hulk-chan's) clothes. "You could have used the goddamn stairs."

"No time," Hulk-chan grumbled. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think?" Nabiki said. "I'm getting out of here. Between you, Shampoo, and whatever Kodachi has screaming one floor up," she jerked an angry thumb at the ceiling, "this hotel is going to be destroyed in the next few minutes. Be glad I bothered to grab your clothes along with mine."

"That's not what I meant..." Hulk-chan's brow wrinkled as she tried to think, to remember, to plow beyond the wall of fog that separated her memories from Akane's... "I remember... you wearing a nightie that you might as well have not been wearing." She stared at Nabiki with suspicious eyes. "What were you doing on the ground floor in a see-through nightie, Nabiki?"

Nabiki considered her options for a couple of seconds, then considered the target audience. Finally, as she noticed Hulk-chan growing rapidly angrier, she said, "I was trying to get in some meaningless sex with Ranma, of course. What did you expect?"

"You... WHAT?" Hulk-chan's head brushed the ceiling... well, pressed against it, now, as fury translated itself into a surge of growth. Nabiki found her range of vision filled by green muscular flesh, except for the enormous round objects which were as soft as the muscles were hard.

"Please note I said 'meaningless,'" Nabiki said. "It seems, after your visit in the bathroom, that Saotome has decided to approach sex as a martial art... and he's been asking around for training. I saw it as an opportunity to satisfy my own urges without any worrisome issues like, oh, commitment."

"Martial art?" Hulk-chan asked. "And he asked you... and not me?"

"First, you weren't around at the time," Nabiki said. "Second, he didn't ask Akane either, so don't think about changing back," she snapped, noting Hulk-chan slowly shrinking back to her more normal form. "Third, I figure you're the person he's training -for- most of all. You may be the sexiest-" by your own biased 'bigger is better' definition- "but you're also the most intimidating, especially for someone like Ranma, whose sex ed has been limited to whatever he's learned from Hiroshi, Daisuke, and maybe some H manga."

Hulk-chan paused to digest this. For some strange reason, she'd had the distinct vision of Ranma as being an experienced sex god who had all of Earthly femininity at his feet. Now that she analyzed that mental image, though, she realized it had no real foundation... except, possibly, that idiot Akane's conviction that he was some sort of pervert. Her foggy memory kicked up dozens of mental flashes, each of Ranma being made badly uncomfortable by Shampoo's glomping, or Ukyo's come-ons, or... and she could see this one plain as day... her own attempts to seduce him.

My Ranma isn't just scared of me, he's scared of sex in general, she thought. And he's trying to conquer his fears by finding someone with absolutely no emotional attachment to him, so he won't disappoint his lovers in the future. Isn't that SWEET?

"Oh, my poor sweet Ranma!" she said. "Nabiki, you were going to take advantage of an innocent! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" Nabiki had the presence of mind to at least mock shame, although she wasn't very good at it. It looked more like a constipated pout.

Hulk-chan folded her arms and nodded to herself, as if things were settled. "Well, I'll let Ranma deal with you in the future. But you are -not- going to bed Ranma yet, understand?" She smiled, the emerald skin of her face darkening with a blush as she imagined blissful pleasures. "I'm going to introduce my darling Ranma to the mysteries of lovemaking myself!" She giggled, drooling a little as her mind went off on its tangent, flashing a pornographic movie through Hulk-chan's mind in which she was writer, director, and principal actress.

"Er, okay," Nabiki replied. Whatever gets me out of here before the roof comes down. "But shouldn't you go rescue Ranma from Kodachi first? There have been some... strange... sounds coming from up there."

"What kind of noises?" Hulk-chan asked, putting aside her X-rated daydream for the moment.

Before Nabiki could answer, the moans of a young woman struggling against the caresses of an unwanted suitor filtered in from the room above. At least, that's what it sounded like to Hulk-chan, who immediately tensed up, growling, "What is that woman doing to my Ranma-chan??"

"That's not the weird noise," Nabiki said. "Wait."

A moment later, a loud gurgling moan echoed down through the ceiling, followed by the creak of wood and the squeal of metal.

"THAT is the weird noise," Nabiki said. "Also something screaming now and again that... well... isn't human."

Hulk-chan turned pale at the thought. "You mean that my Ranma is up there fighting some kind of monster?"

"If he's fighting, he's losing," Nabiki muttered as yet another sensual, desperate groan, followed by a shriek of alien pain, rang through the ceiling.

"Then I've got no time to waste!" Hulk-chan shouted, bounding upwards and smashing her way through the ceiling. Bits of ceiling tile, wiring, and other debris rained down on Nabiki, who threw up an arm just in time to deflect a large chunk of flooring.

"Thank you so much for waiting until I got out of the way," she grumbled, stepping into the stairwell.

Meanwhile, one floor above, Hulk-chan looked around at the simple layout of the penthouse entryway. Two doors opened into the penthouses, one along the long wall opposite the main elevator and another in the shorter wall, at right angles to the first. Opposite the second penthouse door, a service elevator sat, doors wrenched open, the shaft visible beyond. The walls were plain, undecorated, the doors simple and utilitarian, the kind of simplicity only the phenomenally rich can afford.

Hulk-chan had been about to try one of the doors when she heard movement coming from the service elevator shaft. Muffled Chinese curses and the banging of something large around the shaft interior grew louder and louder, until finally the mighty figure of the Juggy-naut emerged from the doors, squeezing her way through the gap. Once out, she paused for a moment to collect herself, burly arms hanging at rest, hands on powerful but shapely legs, immense bosom heaving with several deep breaths.

Only when Shampoo had completed this little ritual did she notice Hulk-chan. "Hulk-chan! Careful!" She stepped rapidly over to the green titaness, pulling her away from the midpoint of the room. "Room is full of trap doors! Drop you all way down hotel into pool!" To demonstrate, she reached down to the floor and pressed one hand into the carpet, shoving the trap door open with ease.

"See? Shampoo try walk around," she gestured left and right, "Shampoo fall in. Shampoo try walking on trim around walls, Shampoo fall in. Shampoo try climbing along walls, walls tip over, Shampoo fall in. Shampoo fall in many-many times," she added, fury building in her eyes, "but Shampoo not fall in again! This time Shampoo JUMP over all those traps! NOTHING STOP THE JUGGY-NAUT!!"

Hulk-chan watched with bemusement as Shampoo took a few steps back, ran up and leaped across the entryway, landing directly in front of the second penthouse door... and screaming as half of the antechamber floor flipped like a pinball spinner, a huge section of flooring tumbling end over end, dropping Shampoo back down that chute to yet another dunking in the hotel pool.

"Well," Hulk-chan muttered, "that didn't work."

It took a few moments for the revolving floor to settle back into place, moments Hulk-chan used to think over her options. If she placed her feet just right, along the seams of the trapdoors and along the axle of the spinning floor section, she could gain the door in two bounds, smashing it down on her second jump. Alternately, she could just leap across the dangerous section and take out the door at once, or drop down a level and come up again.

But all things considered, it seemed simpler to just enter the other penthouse and go around the trap doors altogether.

The door to Tatewaki Kuno's penthouse slammed to the floor under Hulk-chan's insistent push. She could tell it was Kuno's from the first glance; the floor-to-ceiling posters of Akane and "the Mysterious Pig-Tailed Girl" were impossible to miss. An immense bed, covered with satin and silk blankets and sheets, topped with heart-shaped throw pillows, dominated the living area. Flanking the bed on either side, to make the painful mental image complete, stood two nude sculptures, in marble, of Akane and Ranma-chan, each in a pose of adoration for whoever- or whatever- lay on the bed.

Akane's tits aren't that large, Hulk-chan sneered, looking the two statues over. But whoever carved that statue of Ranma-chan got her just right, yum yum. She walked over to the Ranma-chan statue, looking up at the flawless form, the full bosom, the round, shapely ass, the slender-

"uuuuhnonononohellnonono..." *squieech*

Hulk-chan shuddered at the alien scream of pain. Right, right, keep your mind on the job, girl, she reproached herself. Now, that scream came from which wall?

"Ah, beauteous Akane Tendo! At last you have graced my bedroom with your presence!"

Oh no.

Bandaged, limping, one arm in a splint and the other using his bokuto for a crutch, Tatewaki Kuno staggered into the penthouse. Despite his many injuries, he attempted to stand straight and tall before her. "And I percieve that that foul wizard Saotome has once more cast his disfiguring spell upon you! Fear not, sweet maiden, for the Blue Thunder shall challenge the wicked Saotome and-"

A large green hand placed itself across Kuno's mouth; another hand picked him up by the front of his robes and lifted him up against the statue of Ranma-chan. "Listen up, Kuno," Hulk-chan snarled, "don't say anything, just listen. I am not Akane Tendo. I am Sexy Amazon Hulk-chan. I look nothing like Akane Tendo. Look up," she growled, removing her hand from Kuno's mouth long enough to point at the statue of Akane. "Do I look anything like that..."

Kuno's mouth opened.

Hulk-chan slapped the hand back across his face. "Never mind," she muttered, "I forgot who was asking. Look, I'll keep it simple. Where is Kodachi?"

Kuno pointed towards one wall.

"Is that where she's keeping my Ran... er... the pig-tailed girl?"

Kuno tried to nod, but between the stone thigh behind his head and the strong hand holding him against him, it proved more difficult than he'd expected.

"Good enough," Hulk-chan said. With minimal effort, she carried Kuno out of the penthouse, mouth still covered, until he hung over the trapdoor-ridden entryway floor. "Now get lost." With that she dropped him to the floor; a hatch opened and dropped the Blue Thunder into the darkness.

"Now then,"> Hulk-chan said, cracking her knuckles and flexing her muscles into bold, bulging relief, "Kodachi, your ass is MINE!"

As soon as she spoke, the trap doors opened upwards, and the mariachis emerged, singing:

"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno,
Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno
La bonita verde con tetas mas grande
Busca por amorado en nudo flagrante
En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"

Hulk-chan played a brief round of Whack-a-Mole with them until, their song ended, they departed, trap doors slamming shut behind them.

"Where do those guys COME from?" she muttered aloud to herself.

One trapdoor reopened, and the mariachi leader (the one with the largest mustache) emerged. "Detroit," he said, ducking back out of sight just before a powerful green fist smashed in the trapdoor above him.

Shampoo pulled herself out of the hot tub, shaking water out of her long hair and cursing to herself in Chinese. (Stupid trap doors. Stupid hotel. Stupid, stupid rich Japanese morons. I don't care about that lunatic gymnast, I just want something to beat up.

Something splashed into the swimming pool. Shampoo stomped over to poolside, her footsteps thundering through the natatorium, arriving just in time to see Tatewaki Kuno pull himself painfully out of the water.

Shampoo cracked her knuckles loudly. (He'll do.)

Ranma-chan used every millimeter of the slack in the vines gripping his arms and legs to wriggle back and forth away from their probing tips. The tips of both the lower vines were rubbing insistently against her crotch and the crack of her ass, trying to get into places Ranma never wanted anything to ever go into. To make things worse, her body- stupid cursed girl body- acted as if it wanted the vines to go into those places. Stupid aphrodesiac spore gas things.

Anyway, she had to deal with the shudders of uncomfortable pleasure originating from her crotch, while at the same time the two vines now coiled all the way up her arms, down her shoulders, and around her boobs kept squeezing, stroking and rubbing in ways that distracted her just a little bit.

Of course, having Kodachi watch the whole thing only made it worse. "This is your last chance, red-headed strumpet," she purred, stroking the handle of her whip against her own leotard. "My pet shall awaken at any moment- quite ahead of time, I'm afraid. When it does you shall be torn limb from limb... if you're lucky... OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!"

"Get ON with it!" Ranma-chan snapped, rocking her butt back despite the urgent reflex that tried to push her hips forwards instead.

"Ah, yes," Kodachi smiled, "you want to take advantage of your one last chance at salvation to reveal to me the location of my beloved Ranma-sama! Speak, harlot, and I shall grant you a swift, merciful death!"

"I can't tell you where he is," Ranma-chan grunted through her teeth, managing to knock her knees together around the two vines coiled around her legs; they screamed, the little toothed mouths opened wide, and recoiled from her crotch. "Let me go and I will go get him!"

"So you spit in the face of mercy, foul wench? So be it!" Kodachi leaped away from Ranma-chan, somersaulting over to the enormous bulb clinging to the far wall. "So be it! I shall leave you to my pet's tender mercies, and even such a long, tortuous demise as shall be yours is too good for those who would keep me from my-"

The wall blew in.

Kodachi rolled clear of the heavier rubble, whip clenched tightly in hand, watching in readiness as Hulk-chan strode through the hole in the wall, looking at the vines creeping around the room with undisguised disgust. "Damn, Kodachi," she swore, "I knew you were sick in the head, but this..."

"Do you not like the decor, my brutish rival?" Kodachi chuckled. "But I picked it out specifically for you!" The whip lashed out around Hulk-chan, missing her completely to left, right, and below.

"It sucks. Sort of like your aim." Hulk-chan stepped carefully forward towards Ranma-chan. "But I don't care what your kink is, so I'm just going to take my dar... my friend here and leave you with your- huh?" A vine had snagged itself around her leg. "What the hell do you think-"

Each spot that Kodachi had lashed at erupted with vines, some with the bulging rounded tips, some with those tips open and mewling. Hulk-chan grunted as the vines wrapped around her torso, binding her arms to her sides. More vines bound her legs to the floor, spreading them wide. In moments Hulk-chan was bound as tight as a package, and the tips of the vines began exploring around her immense, bobbling bosom and her naked crotch.

As Hulk-chan struggled against her bonds, a deep crooning sound filled the room. Hulk-chan's eyes flickered over to the source; the large bulb, already cracked open in spots, was opening fully now, sepals sliding away to reveal an immense mouth. Rows upon rows of jagged teeth appeared from behind oversized pink lips, lips which ran almost the entire contour of the opened bulb.

The bulb shook itself, extended itself forward on a thick stalk, and spoke. "Fuck me... fuuuuuck me..." Every word produced a thick cloud of purple smoke, clouds which drifted across the room towards Hulk-chan, slowly, deliberately.

Koadchi laughed with delight, the sound sending shudders down Hulk-chan's and Ranma-chan's spines. "Is my pet not beautiful? And it likes you, Hulk-chan! I'm sure you will find its charms, in turn... irresistible! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

The first purple cloud floated around Hulk-chan, and the emerald titan felt her already sticky crotch grow much stickier still. Her nipples hardened almost into spikes with the first whiff of the smoke, their skin growing painfully tight. Despite herself, she found herself trying to spread her legs wider, the sudden arousal taking over her body.

Hulk-chan struggled to pull her arms free from the vines that bound her forearms to her sides, the muscles of her shoulders and upper arms bulging and straining in vain. The vines stretched a little, then contracted, growing stronger and harder as the struggles of their victim encouraged fresh growth. Green rubbed against green, plant against flesh, all obscured by the purple haze of the monstrous plant's aphrodesiac spores. On the outside, Hulk-chan appeared helpless.

Inside, on the other hand, the combination of chemically-driven lust, frustration, and the fundamental anger which lay at the core of Akane Tendo's personality combined to set her gamma-spawned, Jyusenkyo-inflicted curse into overdrive. With every strain of arms against vines, the vines stretched a little farther, forced outward by thickening bone and sinew. Each arch of her back drove apart the vines wrapped around her chest, breasts pushing up and forward with every surge of power through her system. The taut vines which connected her with the mass of writhing green on the floor hummed with tension as the jade giantess grew taller and more bemuscled still.

Hulk-chan's feet shifted, moving somewhat apart. The bulging tips of the vines sensed the motion, increasing their stroking of her exposed flesh, seeking to penetrate her dripping nether lips. "Ooooh, YES, honey," the master bulb cooed, the massive flower sliding a tongue across its obscene lips, "spread 'em for me. Let's get it ON!"

"I've got news for you, stinkweed," Hulk-chan rumbled. "Only one person has the right to claim my treasure, and it sure as hell isn't you!" Her knees bent slightly, her stance spread, her arms drawn as close to her body as possible.

"Bitchy, bitchy," the plant monster replied. "Maybe I'll just finish off my other prize first. She's ready for me even if you aren't." Fresh vines sprung up to join the ones already perilously close to sliding into Ranma-chan's holes, tiny toothed mouths adding their mewling to the others.

Green light flashed in Hulk-chan's eyes. "You aren't getting my Ranma either," she snarled, pushing up with her legs, flexing up against the vines with her arms. Loud popping sounds erupted from the vines as she strained every ounce of her anger-lust-frustration fueled power against their grip. "Only I can claim Ranma Saotome as my own!" The vines around her chest snapped and fell away as her rib cage expanded beyond their capacity to hold, her towering mammaries jiggling with the sudden release.

"Hey! You can't do that!!" the plant monster shouted, recoiling in pain.

"Yes I can!!" Hulk-chan roared. "And you know why?" The vines around her waist and wrist began to stretch and part, tears appearing in the flexing stems. "Because Sexy Amazon Hulk-chan is the HORNIEST ONE THERE IS!!" With a final flex of arms and legs Hulk-chan burst free, vines screaming in pain as they snapped apart, falling from her body in hunks of wet green waste.

"OWWW!!" the plant monster screamed, the stumps of its vines recoiling from the towering amazon. "All right, bitch, you want a fight, you got one! We'll see who's hornier than who!" The whole floor rippled as vines rose from the greater mass, bulbous heads parting to reveal hissing mouths lined with teeth. With the speed and motion of striking cobras, the dozens of vines lunged for Hulk-chan, winding, grasping, biting. Hulk-chan grabbed and tore at the vines, crushed them between her fists and in her palms, kicked them away... but the sheer volume of plant matter threatened to overwhelm her.

Once again vines encased her legs, pulling them apart. First one arm, then the other was ensnared, pulled wide away from her body this time rather than bound to it. With one titanic pull after another Hulk-chan pulled her limbs free, but more vines kept coming back to grab again. An arm or a leg would be free hardly a moment before fresh growth wrapped around it again.

"So WHO'S the bitch, woman?" The thin neck of the master bulb leaned forward, the permanent toothy smirk of the monster leering at Hulk-chan's struggles. "WHO is the wimpy pussy BITCH, BITCH?"

"YES, my pet!" Kodachi danced around the edge of the room, twirling a ribbon in one hand and snapping her bullwhip with the other in celebration. "REND her limb from limb! Thus shall all enemies of the Black Rose fall! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHO- EEEEEK!!" A handful of vines had snaked over to the side of the room to grab Kodachi's arms and legs; with a squeeze of their coils the vines forced Kodachi to drop her weapons, as another vine snaked forward to rip away her leotard, leaving her defenseless.

"And I've had enough of you too, you crazy cunt!" the plant monster shouted. "Let's see how you laugh when I'm splittin' ya from the inside with about ten or twenty thousand seeds! You gonna taste REAL good!"

"Release me at ONCE!!" Kodachi shouted, unafraid. "I am your master! I am Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of St. Hebreke's! How DARE you handle me as if I-"

"OH, SHUT UP!" Hulk-chan and the plant monster shouted at the same time.

It must be said that Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo are not cowards.

There. It's been said.

In fact, they are indeed cowards. Whether Happousai chose them for this trait, or merely broke them into it, the fact remains that in the face of any serious show of force their spines vanish. Nodoka Saotome, who is capable of showing some serious force indeed, had little trouble enforcing her punishment upon the men who had jumped for a free beach house without reading the fine print of the agreement.

But.

When she'd decreed that this day would be housecleaning day, and when she'd ordered her husband and his best friend to put on aprons, even the spines of two broken, craven men began to stiffen. Neither was offended enough to confront Nodoka directly, but both dragged their feet, moved mops and buckets as slowly as they dared, and searched for any possible excuse to ditch the woman's work and woman's garb.

When they looked out the windows facing the sea, and saw Godzilla's head rise from the ocean depths offshore, both men considered it excuse enough. Spines stiffened by the basic urge for self-preservation, both men dashed for the door, working at the ties of their aprons as they ran.

Three feet of sharpened steel, held at neck level, stopped them just short of freedom.

"Husband, what do you think you are doing?" Nodoka's stare, if anything, was sharper than the sword.

"Nodoka, we must leave at once!" Genma shouted. "Godzilla's coming! Look!" He pointed out the window to the crowded beach, where the mass of humanity turned out of the seaside motels had already begun its mad stampede off the sands.

Nodoka looked for herself. "He's still a mile offshore or more," she said. "It's a shallow bay. In any case, I have not released you from your duties, nor has the landlord. Get back to scrubbing the floors!"

"Nodoka, please!!" Soun gasped. "We must leave now! This beach house isn't even large enough for Godzilla to trip over!"

"The two of you owe a duty to the landlord to maintain this house, correct?" Nodoka growled. "Then you shall uphold that duty! Even if Godzilla stomps this house flat, I shall expect the two of you to be ready with hammer and nails to rebuild it! Now, go back to scrubbing," she said, pointing the sword at the men of the family, "and remember this day the next time you think of a 'good deal.'"

The two men looked out over the bay; Godzilla's shoulders were already visible over the rolling waves. However, the point of Nodoka's blade was much closer.

"Tendo, your apron's untied," Genma muttered.

"MOKOU TAKIBASHA!!"

The plant-monster screamed at the unexpected attack. Its ugly, eyeless head turned to face the source of the blast which had left its sepals smouldering. "Hey! When did you get free?"

Ranma-chan had taken advantage of the monster's distraction. She stood apparently firm on her feet, hands raised and spread to invite battle. In reality she could barely stand at all; that damn aphrodesiac made her feel like her knees were jelly, her arms noodles, and her crotch a second heart the size of a bowling ball. It took every bit of her anger at being trapped, fear of being ravaged, and hatred of her girl form to stop herself from collapsing into a masturbatory frenzy.

Instead she leaped forward and launched into an Amaguriken attack- the punches nothing like as hard as her normal strikes, not even her normal light-but-fast Chestnut Fist. It served the purpose, though- Hulk-chan and Kodachi both fell from vines that now coiled and swirled through the air to entrap her once more. Ranma-chan leaped out of their reach- nothing like her usual jumping ability, but more than even the maddened round-headed vines could manage.

"Don't worry, Ranma!" Hulk-chan shouted, grabbing vines and ripping them apart. "I'll protect you! Let's take this ragweed on the rag down!"

"Ranma? Where?" Kodachi glanced around, the naked gymnast pausing in the search for her dropped whip. "Has my dear Lord Ranma escaped the clutches of you foul- EEEK!" Vines had encased her ankles again, and she fell into the roiling carpet of plant trunks covering the floor. More vines encased Hulk-chan's fists, but with a tug and a smash, those fines slid limply off her arms.

Most of the vines continued to follow Ranma-chan. I wish the central trunk wasn't over by the wall, she thought. My body's blazing with hot chi, but that plant's loaded with cold chi... I could have tried a reversed Hiryu Shoten Ha on it. If it worked. She spent a second too long thinking and watching, and one vine managed to snare her right ankle, stopping her in mid-leap. With boobs bouncing with inertia she stopped in midflight and fell back, yanked towards a group of waiting tentacles by the snare-

-and was cut free by the razor blade of a thrown spatula.

"Hands off my Ranma-chan, whatever you are," Ukyo snarled. "If you want to eat something, I've got a special dish made up just for you!" Her hands swirled to various compartments in her battle outfit, pulling out dough, sauce and toppings, mixing them in midair and forming a disc with the total. "Kunoji Special Okonomiyaki With Extra Spicy Gunpowder Sauce!!"

The okonomiyaki struk the monster's central bulb dead on, sending up a shower of sparks and a cloud of smoke.

A moment later, a massive fist punched through the penthouse's outside wall, letting in sunlight, the smell of sea air, and the faint sound of thousands fleeing in terror. A second hand followed the first, enlarging the hole to admit a naked, furious Juggy-naut. "Shampoo come up side of building!" she growled. "Trap doors not stop Juggy-naut! NOTHING STOP THE- hey," she said quizically, "what all this green stuff?"

Three vines snaked up and wrapped around one arm. "Oh, tentacle penis plant," Shampoo grumbled. "Shampoo see that on cable three months ago." A casual flex of her bulging arm shattered the vines. "Shampoo be hoe that brings up hard root!"

When everyone in the room- including the plant monster- stopped and stared at her, Shampoo blinked in confusion. "What? What? Shampoo got something on nose?" she asked.

The awkward pause was broken by a figure stumbling through the door leading to Kuno's penthouse. Splinted, bandaged, limping, but bearing a live blade of polished steel in his hands, the Blue Thunder staggered into the room. "Fear not... oh glorious Pigtailed Girl..." Kuno gasped. "For Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder, hath come to rescue you! Have at thee, foul monster!"

"Oh, shut up, jack," the monster snapped, "you're not my type!" A trio of vines snapped up to attack Kuno; they fell in a shower of neatly sliced discs, scattering to the floor as if from an oversized Salad Shooter.

"Right," the plant monster hissed, "now you're all dead."

Vines exploded from the tangle of green that covered the floor from edge to edge. Where before the monster had only been able to focus on one threat at a time, now it pressed its attack on everyone at once- the two Kunos, Shampoo, Ukyo, Ranma-chan, and Hulk-chan. For the next several seconds the air was a storm of green as each fought in his or her own way against the flailing, biting, entangling vines.

Kodachi, of course, worked to get her legs free from the vegetable shell wrapped around them. She'd managed to get a hand on her whip, but repeated lashes only attracted more vines. Just as a pair of thick-tipped vines creeped up between her legs towards what she thought of as 'her irresistible portal of desire', two massive hands grabbed the vines and ripped them apart, allowing Kodachi to kick free.

"It appears I owe you my thanks for res-" Kodachi's pompous words died as one massive hand grabbed her by the neck. Shampoo lifted the Black rose up to eye level, normally lavender eyes blazing with the fury of an Amazon dropped down a chute once too often.

"Crazy Girl tell how to beat tentacle penis plant!!" Shampoo shouted. "You tell NOW!"

Kodachi, already turning blue, moved her lips and pointed frantically to her throat.

"Shampoo not kiss stupid plant! You think Shampoo STUPID??"

Kodachi pointed more frantically to her neck.

"Shampoo SAID... oh. Oops." Shampoo loosened her grip a bit, still holding her in the air but no longer asphyxiating Kodachi.

"...roots..." Kodachi gasped. "Cut out the roots."

"That so simple!" Shampoo said, dropping Kodachi unceremoniously to the floor. "Even stupid Mousse coul-"

At this point Shampoo was cut off by the activation of the penthouse sprinkler system. The smoke from Ukyo's gunpowder packets and "extra spicy" okonomiyaki had triggered the sensors, showering everyone in the room with cold water. One moment Shampoo was a two and a half meter tall wall of dense muscle, shapely legs and outstanding bust; the next, she was a small, very annoyed kitten.

Through the water and the jungle of writhing vines, Hulk-chan marched onward.

Ukyo somersaulted away from a cluster of vines, cursing the anti-fire systems as she discarded what was left of her gunpowder, now wet and useless. Her last two throwing spatulas went flying towards the monster's central stalk, but the smaller vines blocked them well before they reached their target. In desperation she grabbed a tall lamp, yanked the cord out of the wall, and began wielding it as a polearm, knocking away attempt after attempt by the vines to grab her.

Hulk-chan marched onward.

Tatewaki Kuno, despite being nearly immobilized by his many bandages, splints, and other bindings, held his own against the vines for quite some time. The very tip of his sword flashed in swift, precise strokes again and again to dismember the green members from their stems. Finally, subterfuge accomplished what headlong assault did not; a pair of vines grabbed his ankles and yanked him back, throwing him out of Kodachi's penthouse and back into his. This done, the vines yanked the door shut again, pulling taut to secure the door.

Hulk-chan marched onward.

Ranma-chan's leaps grew stronger as the hole in the wall allowed clean, non-aphrodesiac-clouded air to circulate into the room. The involuntary spasms of feminine desire had waned, although the burning sensation still distracted her and occasionally put her in danger from attacking vines. Punches, kicks and leaps kept the vines jumping and bouncing, at her and back again. No fewer than twenty vines now followed her every move, the tip of each open to show snarling mouths full of sharp teeth. She barely even grumbled as the sprinklers kicked in; being female already, they could do nothing else to her.

And through it all, Hulk-chan marched on. Fully three meters tall, head brushing the high ceiling of the penthouse, hair plastered to her head, face and back from the shower of water, she strode forward. Each step thundered with purpose, shaking the floor; each strike of the vines met with a swung fist or crushing hand, and those vines fell lifeless to the floor. With all the implacable purpose of the Juggy-naut, with the might of an avalanche in slow motion, Hulk-chan bore down on her enemy.

When she finally got within arm's reach of the plant, though, she noticed that someone had beat her to it. A little purple and white kitten, unnoticed by the vines, had worked down to the very base of the stem that supported the massive central bulb. There, where a thick tangle of roots had burst from the planting box and delved into the fabric of the hotel's structure, Shampoo-neko clawed and bit at the woody stem, much to the annoyance of the monster.

"Hey! Quit that! I'm warnin' ya, don't make me get medieval on you!" The bulb swayed back and forth, trying to look down at itself, unable to see or sense the source of its discomfort. Only the shadow cast by Hulk-chan's overwhelming bosom made the monster notice her presence. Slowly, cautiously, it looked up at the new arrival. "Oh... shit..."

"HULK-CHAN SMASH!"!" the giant woman roared, a massive fist knocking the bulb back into the wall like a half-empty punching bag. "HULK-CHAN CRUSH!!"!" A second blow drove the bulb down onto its stem, flattening it. Before it could restore itself, Hulk-chan's hands grabbed the stem just below the sepals and pulled the central bulb upright.

"Can't... we settle this... like rational people?" the monster whimpered.

"I'll give you settled!"!" Hulk-chan snarled. "HULK-CHAN DEFENESTRATE!!!"!" Her other hand reached down past Shampoo-neko, down into the dirt, grabbing the central ball of roots and YANKING it from the dirt. Metal squealed, wood shattered around the teens as roots pulled away from their moorings or were snapped by the force of the pull. Finally, with one massive SNAP, the stem snapped, and Hulk-chan hurled the hideous head of the monster through the balcony doors and out into empty air.

"YOU BIIIIiiiiitch..." the monster wailed as it fell out of sight.

An instant later, the remaining vines, deprived of nourishment and guidance, flew into seizures, flailing and smashing at anything and everything. The remaining breakables in the room smashed and crashed onto the floor, left bare by the dying plant. Tiny tentacle mouths screamed in agony. Vine tips smashed themselves against walls, floor, ceiling. More vines wrapped themselves around anything sturdy- exposed wall struts, ceiling struts, furniture- and pulled back in a final death spasm.

One vine pierced the ceiling tiles before its final spasm; when it pulled, it brought down a large portion of the ceiling with it. Up above, a water pipe cracked, sending a spray of water down into the room, mixing with the sputtering spray of the fire sprinklers, splashing Ranma-chan.

Kodachi picked herself up slowly from the floor, rubbing her neck, perky breasts bouncing with each deep breath. That brute foreigner had nearly suffocated her in that grip! Such disrespect would be remembered... but another day, yes. The plan had fallen through, defeated by the unexpected rebellion of the plant and the unexpected power of Hulk-chan. Time to make an exit to fight another...

Kodachi's eyes caught the movement in the middle of the room, paused, and froze, staring at the figure under the mixed spray of cold and hot water.

In the one instant, it was the red-headed harridan, overlarge breasts hanging indecently out into space, broad hips cocked insolently... in the next, it was her beloved Ranma-sama, taller, muscular, magnificently endowed with an erection so hard its tip was royal purple, so long that Kodachi could not hold it all even had she four hands. Flicker, harridan. Flicker, Ranma-sama. Flicker, female. Flicker, male. Flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker...

The two figures occupied the same space.

Kodachi stared, horrified, fascinated, as the two figures overlapped in her vision, the change flashing back and forth too fast for the human eye to follow. They did not form a single body as she half expected, with the harridan's balloon bust and her lord's mighty manhood. They were separate bodies, different scales... but they occupied the same space at the same time.

The tortured, twisted halls of Kodachi's mind shook, their foundations crumbling as the hereditary Kuno ability to deny the truth took a mortal blow. "No," she gasped, "it's not possible... not my Ranma-sama..."

One spray of water shut off; the sprinklers, sensing no more heat or smoke, ceased. The flickering of Ranma's body likewise ended, and fully male, fully naked, and more than fully pissed off, he stepped over the tangled dead vines towards Kodachi. "Yes, it's possible," he growled. "You nearly KILLED me... trying to TAKE me..."

"NOOO!!!" Kodachi's screech of denial hurt the ears more than her mad laughter; as the others grabbed their ears in pain, she threw a cluster of smoke bombs to her feet (apparently from nowhere) and vanished in the cloud. It cleared a moment later, revealing empty space.

"That... crazy... bitch..." Ranma grumbled, too angry for the moment to notice his state of undress and arousal.

"Well, that's that," Hulk-chan said, dusting her hands off. "Monster disposed of, witch driven off! Now for a victory celebration!"

Shampoo-neko ran under the spray of hot water; the Juggy-naut emerged on the other side, still naked except for the Crimson Bands around her wrists. "Sound good to Shampoo," she said.

"What did you say?" Ukyo asked. "I couldn't hear you over Hulk-chan's stomping."

"It wasn't me," Hulk-chan muttered. She'd been standing still throughout the plant's death-throes... but the hotel continued to shake with slow, thunderous footsteps. BOOM. BOOM. BOOM.

"It not Shampoo either..."

"It's certainly not me."

"Then who-"

Through the shattered balcony window there came a roar, louder than a jet engine, wilder than an epileptic tiger. The sound sent ice down the spines of everyone present, even Hulk-chan. They'd heard it on the news now and again, in documentaries, during civil defense drills.

"GODZILLA!"

No sooner had the four said the word than the penthouse door opened and the mariachi band scurried in, strumming and singing frantically:

"Vaya con Dios, Casa Kuno,
Vaya con Dios, Casa Kuno,
Vaya con Dios, Casa Kuno,
Reptilio Gigante hace mucho destrucion
Habla "Sayonara, good buddy, 10-4, we gone"
Al Casa Kuno!! VAMOS!"

This sung, the mariachis swiftly packed their guitars, horns, and paraphenalia into cases, tipped their hats to the teens, and fled for their lives.

"LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!" Ukyo shouted... and then blinked as she noticed that only Shampoo was present to hear.

Hulk-chan and Ranma were already long gone.

He noted, with some satisfaction, the tangle of green on the beach sands next to the building which was the target of his quest. Perhaps the humans were learning after all. Still, better safe than sorry.

A blast of atomic fire incinerated the remains of the plant monster's central bulb. A moment later, as Shampoo leaped out of the penthouse carrying Ukyo (and as Sasuke wheeled Tatewaki out the front doors in a wheelchair), his clawed hands grabbed the towering building and tugged it down, the uppermost floors splashing down into the surf behind him. Another blast of flaming breath did for the penthouse and the vines within.

You know, people shouldn't build this tall next to the seashore. Forty-plus floors- what were they thinking? He stepped over a modest beach house stuck between the broken stump of Casa Kuno and knocked down the hotel on the other side. Leaving a trail of destruction, pursued by Monster Division assault choppers, blasted ineffectually by a dozen maser cannons, he marched out of sight, his main errand accomplished.

I wonder if Rodan's busy today? There's a great double-header down in Hiroshima...

Behind him, two men wearing aprons lay passed out on the beach house porch, having fainted from shock at their miraculous survival.

Hulk-chan and Ranma watched from a rooftop a safe distance away as Godzilla cleared away a broad swathe of oceanside resorts, tall skyscrapers like Casa Kuno and more modest hotels alike. The hotel beneath them lay deserted, as did the beach below for a long way around. By all appearances they were out of danger, secure and secluded above the beach and out of sight of prying eyes.

As this fact sank into the minds of both teens, other facts made themselves immediately apparrent. First, and most noticable, both Ranma and Hulk-chan were absolutely naked; fortunately the roof was flat and smooth enough that this did not cause discomfort. Second, both had a hyperdose of aphrodesiac running through their system, and although Ranma had built up a tolerance through repeated exposure, and Hulk-chan's system was resistant to virtually anything, they were neither one immune to its effects.

To be perfectly blunt, they were two teens, who would be horny by nature under any circumstances, driven to the brink of insanity by the plant monster's spores, lying next to each other, butt naked and showing every obvious sign of their arousal.

The two looked at each other... looked each other up and down with a combination of nervousness, shyness, and raw lust. Hulk-chan blushed a darker shade of green; Ranma blushed in the more usual fashion. Hulk-chan's nipples stood like spikes; Ranma's erection bucked and wobbled with his rapid heartbeat. Both sweated with a heat that had nothing to do with the summer sun.

"Ranma, darling," Hulk-chan said, hesitating, wondering what circumstance would interrupt them, fearful that she might scare Ranma away, "I... I need you. Badly." One huge hand reached down to an erection large enough that the tip stuck well up above her grasp. "But if you say no... that's all you have to say, is no... if you don't want this, I-"

"Yes," Ranma said.

"Y-yes?" Hulk-chan gasped.

"Yes," Ranma repeated, gasping for breath as even Hulk-chan's light grasp on his rod ripped away any fear of fiancees or worries about commitment from his lust-drunk mind. "Please. Now?"

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you THANK you!!" Hulk-chan gushed, rolling on top of Ranma. In moments her legs bestrode Ranma's own, her billowing breasts lowered towards Ranma's face as her hand began stroking his manhood. Ranma, for his own part, leaned up and stroked the sides of her rack- breasts far too large to grab- and took one nipple into his mouth for a greedy suck.

Ranma's sucking my TIT he's sucking my TIT and he's stroking and rubbing and I have his COCK IN MY HAND... Triumphant delight surged through Hulk-chan's mind even as the electric jolts of pleasure ran through her body. She could feel fresh nectar running down from her cleft as Ranma's clumsy but well-intentioned groping and sucking stimulated her chest... and as her hand felt something sticky trickling and dripping down from the tip of Ranma's dick.

In less than a minute Hulk-chan had had all the foreplay she could stand. Another time, another place, she would want to suck Ranma off and taste his seed, or complete the titfuck she'd had interrupted... how long ago? Never mind, not important. Now, though, her muscles bulged with power induced by arousal; her veins hummed with hot blood surging, it felt like, straight to nipples and pussy. She ached. She was so horny it HURT.

Pulling away from Ranma's mouth and hands, she raised her butt up and brought the tip of Ranma's dick to her folds. For a moment she hesitated... What will it feel like? I've never done this before! I've heard it's painful- and wonderful- and- and- Slowly, carefully, with hisses of breath through grit teeth, she worked her tight channel down onto and around his shaft.

It's IN me!! For all its length and beautiful thickness, Ranma's organ didn't fill her completely or stretch her painfully or overwhelm her or anything... but Akane's hymen had been lost to kempo training long ago, and without the barrier there was nothing to mitigate the pleasure of having a hot cock just the right size in her pussy.

From the look of Ranma- grinning like a madman, eyes glazed, hands clenched into the ridges of the roof- he felt more or less the same way.

Carefully, heistantly, Hulk-chan drew up her hips again, then lowered them back down. She choked back a sob of delight, gasping as her diaphragm quivered, taking her breath away with sudden spasms of pleasure. I'm fucking Ranma. I am FUCKING RANMA!! This is Ranma's DICK in my PUSSY and I AM FUCKING IT!!! The very thought sent her over the edge, and for a moment she could see nothing but exploding lights as her insides trembled and quivered with orgasm.

Even as her inner walls pulled and stroked at Ranma's member with gentle strength, even as her juices slipped down his rod to soak their thighs and hips, Hulk-chan kept pumping slowly up and down on Ranma's cock. She didn't want this to ever end. Even as her thrusts were met by Ranma's own, as she sped up a little to keep pace, she wrapped herself in the feelings. She paid no mind to Ranma's closed eyes, his clenched teeth, the strong callused hands pressed against her hips, her massive jugs bouncing up and down with the building strength of her fucking.

It was a perfect moment.

Nothing, nothing, NOTHING could spoil this perfect moment.

Ranma, for his part, had lost most conscious thought. His prick was the center of his universe, the hard piece of meat slipping in and out of something tight, but soft and yielding... wet, and oh so hot... so wonderful, so RIGHT. He could barely sense the tight muscles beneath the green skin his hands gripped and caressed. He didn't feel the roof under his back or his feet at all. His eyes were scrunched closed, half from the sheer pleasure, half because his brain couldn't spare the neurons to process sight just now.

Smell, however, was a sense still in full effect. Ranma, as he bucked up, slamming his meat into Hulk-chan's downward strokes, could smell the musk and sweat of their joining. Another smell was in there, too, something familiar and comforting... but Ranma barely registered it. His dick, and now his balls, had the focus of his attention.

His hips flew faster and faster up against Hulk-chan's, pumping her sex faster and faster, loud slurps and wet slaps echoing across the rooftop. Ranma's balls felt tight, as if something was grabbing them, drawing them up towards himself... and in them, something boiled uncomfortably, something that Ranma had to get out of them...

Is this sex? It's GOOD! It's GREAT!! I LOVE it! I love HER! This WONDERFUL woman! Who is! thrust Having! thrust SEX! thrust WITH!! thrust ME!!!

Something exploded inside Ranma's genitals, and instinct propelled his hips up, burying himself to the hilt within Hulk-chan's sex. He shouted out her name as jism exploded through his crotch and out the tip, deep into Hulk-chan's insides. It took several seconds before his climax faded... several seconds before he noticed the utter stillness of his partner, seconds more before he opened his eyes to see Hulk-chan's shocked, stricken expression.

Only then did it occur to Ranma that the name he'd shouted had been, "Akane!!"

With tears running down her eyes Hulk-chan lifted herself off of Ranma's erection, up to her feet. "Ranma..." she whispered. "Ranma... you DUMMY!!" With a sob she leaped off of the rooftop, soaring off into the distance, dropping out of sight among the trees and hills on the horizon.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, Ranma sighed. I blew it. I REALLY blew it, by the numbers. He kept staring in the direction Hulk-chan had gone for a few minutes, wondering if she might come back, if she might be angry, or just hurt.

Finally it dawned on Ranma that he was naked, stinky, and stuck on top of a tall building with no apparent roof access. Sooner or later he was going to have to do something about that.

Somehow, though, after what had just happened, it didn't seem all that important.

Time passed, and the dark and the light were the next day... the day of the Tendos' and Saotomes' return to Nerima.

Godzilla had stomped a lot of buildings into the ground, generally terrified the countryside, signed a few autographs, and returned to the ocean, for the long swim back to Monster Island.

Major Malfunction recieved a medal for clever thinking... and a reprimand for being out of uniform.

The mariachi band found a new gig at the grand opening of a burrito palace in Sapporo.

Three insurance companies reeled as the Act of Kaiju clause on Casa Kuno's insurance policies was invoked; the resulting payoff would, despite everything, make the entire venture, however brief, a profitable one. The Kuno clan lawyers made very sure of that.

Ukyo and the Amazons each packed up their tents and returned in the early morning hours, eager to beat Ranma home. Ukyo stopped on the way home at the Tokyo branch of Spatula City to order new combat gear; Cologne stopped briefly at a farmer's market to show Mousse what his fate would be if he ever tried to harm a hair on Ranma's head again.

And at the beach house where the Saotomes and Tendos had stayed, rent-free, for two weeks, there was chaos.

The landlord, unable or unwilling to conceal his glee, guided the new renters through a building which had been rendered more than habitable through the intense labor of Kasumi, Soun and Genma. Wealthy people, deprived of their luxurious rooms by Godzilla's rampage, were cramming in four and even five to a room in the beach house, paying dearly for the privledge of sleeping on the floor, bidding astronomical sums for the right to the beds or for futons.

Through the madness of incoming, self-important people, the Tendos and Saotomes struggled to pack up their belongings. Ranma himself struggled with his bags- stuffed full of things mostly acquired as part of the Beach Festival- and worked his way down the stairs past a swarm of grouchy old people who were all too glad to see him and his family gone.

Ranma lifted up the bags to let an overweight matron pass by, spun, and accidentally whacked Akane dead in the face. Ranma sheepishly lowered the bags, looking at her face with trepidation.

Instead of exploding or shouting, Akane muttered, "Excuse me."

"Er, um," Ranma said, putting down the bags. Now was as good a time as any for it. He'd screwed up in even thinking about doing Hulk-chan, to say nothing of how it had ended. From now on he was going to be damn careful about his sex drive, and where it led him... and he wasn't going to make the same mistakes again. "Akane, I, um, have a confession to make... I, um..."

Akane put a hand on his shoulder. "It's all right," she said quietly. "I know all about it."

Ranma blushed deeply. "You mean... about me... an' Hulk-chan... an', er, stuff, and all?"

Akane stood on her tiptoes, pulled Ranma forward a bit, and kissed him on the forehead. "You're an idiot," she said quietly, "but sometimes you can be very sweet." So saying, she picked up her own bags and headed for the door, leaving a dumbfounded Ranma to the angry stares and growls of rich people slumming and paying dearly for the privledge.

"Er... I'm sorry?" he said at last, to nobody in particular.

And outside, Akane paused on the door, silently tallied a point on an invisible chalkboard with one finger, and smirked. Take THAT, Hulk-chan! she thought to herself. Whose name did he call out again?

Feeling better about herself than she had for a while, she picked up her bags and started off for the train station after the rest of her family, off home to Nerima, to life in a rebuilt home... a life touched by the curse which was Sexy Amazon Hulk-chan...

And that night, from the basements of the Kuno mansion, voices could be heard...

"Sasuke! Hand me that flask at once!"

"Mistress, you aren't feeling well. Perhaps your experiments could wait for another night?"

"Silence! I dare not stop now! That foul Hulk-chan holds my darling Ranma enchanted! I must find some means of thwarting her will!"

"But you told me you saw him change, yes? Do you not believe what I have told you of his curse?"

"It's not possible! I REFUSE to believe it!! It must be that green ogre's doing! And next time we meet, Hulk-chan, I shall not depend upon a mere monster to fight on my behalf! I shall strike you down BY MY OWN HAND! Sasuke, those salts! Bring them hither!"

"Yes, my lady... but milady, how can you hope to fight Hulk-chan?"

"I have my plants, my chemistry, my perfect mind... there must be SOME way of unlocking my own potential for strength! I shall discover it- and unlike that top-heavy whore, I shall not look like a creature escaped from a laboratory! The extract, at once!"

"Here... milady, should that be boiling so rapidly?"

"Nay, I shall possess the speed, the strength, the skill due my birthright as a Kuno... and yet I shall be the loveliest thing in all Japan! The Black Rose shall bloom again for my darling Ranma-chan! ... Sama! Sama! For my hunky, studly, NOT AT ALL FEMALE Ranma-sama-chan! OH-HOHOHOHOHOHO!!"

"Milady, the chemicals! Please stop laughing so close to-"

"HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!"

"MILADY, COME AWAY!!!"

"HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO-"

KABLAM.

"...hohoho... hoho... hee... hee hee hee... HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE... hee hee... ho ho... oooooooh..."

*kthump*

And then there was silence, except for the fire trucks' sirens.

And now, because you asked for it, it’s Happy Hulk-Chan’s Omake Theater!

”Hello, Hulk-chan!”

”Hello, Akane-chan!”

”What will we talk about today?”

”Today we’re answering a question that came up during the writing of this chapter!”

”Where did we go for four months?”

”No! ‘What the hell were those mariachi players singing?’”

“Oh, you know, I wondered too!”

”Well, if you look at this chart over here-“

”Wow! How convenient!”

”You’ll see a complete list of each mariachi song and its rough translation.”

”Of course, the mariachi songs are all done in really BAD Spanish!”

”Just be grateful the writer didn’t try to translate Spanish to Japanese to English, ne? Okay, here’s the songs!”

Original Song	Translation
"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno Libre chili con queso por esta semana Entrada, comer, sabomos you wanna En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"	"Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno Free chili with cheese all this week Come in and eat, because you know you wanna In Casa Kuno!! YAY!"
"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno Los Bailas Desnudas bailan muy bueno Y los comedios no son malos, well boss if you say so En Casa Kuno!! ARRIBA!"	"Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno The nude dancers dance very well And the comedians ain’t bad, well boss if you say so In Casa Kuno!! ARRIBA!"
"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno Va al rescuar la captiva bonita Los tres valientes, oy, can you believe-a En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"	"Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno Off to rescue the pretty prisoner The three brave ones, oy, can you believe-a In Casa Kuno!! OLE!"
"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno La gata violeta no desea nadar, Pero en agua caliente ella se bombear En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"	"Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno The violet girl cat doesn’t want to swim, But in hot water she’s super-busty In Casa Kuno!! OLE!"
"Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno, Bienvenidos a la Casa Kuno La bonita verde con tetas mas grande Busca por amorado en nudo flagrante En Casa Kuno!! OLE!"	"Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno, Welcome to Casa Kuno The green hottie with the biggest boobs Looks for her lover bare-assed naked In Casa Kuno!! OLE!"
"Vaya con Dios, Casa Kuno, Vaya con Dios, Casa Kuno, Vaya con Dios, Casa Kuno, Reptilio Gigante hace mucho destrucion Habla "Sayonara, good buddy, 10-4, we gone" Al Casa Kuno!! VAMOS!"	"Goodbye, Casa Kuno, Goodbye, Casa Kuno, Goodbye, Casa Kuno, Huge Reptile makes much destruction Say "Sayonara, good buddy, 10-4, we gone" To Casa Kuno!! VAMOS!"

”Wow, that was a lot of songs!”

”A lot of very bad songs, yes!”

”Too bad we can’t show you the tune, but that’s probably for the best.”

”Join us next time when we answer the question, ‘When Does Hulk-chan get to fuck Ranma again?’”

”WHAT? NEVER!!”

”Nya nya, Akane’s mad ‘cause I got Ranma first! Biiiiii!!”

”You come back here!!”

Tune in again sometime in the unforseeable future, when we’ll be insane enough to do another ‘Happy Hulk-chan Omake Theater!’